I don’t give a damn about broccoli, and I feel the
same way about certain spatulas. Only
chumps sift flour, and if you think I’m spending one precious moment of my time
carving rosebuds out of radishes, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of
hurt.
Don’t get me wrong, Sweeties, for I do enjoy
spending time in my kitchen, especially when I’m not cooking. Truthfully though, I do like preparing meals,
particularly if they’re a) relatively healthy, and b) extremely easy. I used to tell everyone (and by everyone, I
mean me, myself, and I) that I simply didn’t have time to learn all the
fancy-schmancy nuances that come along with creating a stunning and satisfying
meal. That’s a lie, however, and I’ll
own it. I’ve got time, but I simply
prefer to spend it in other ways (napping, devising effective-but-humane
devices for warding off squirrels, etc.)
Mr. Newman and I have been on a juicing/smoothie
kick lately. Like a fine meatloaf,
you can put anything in a smoothie and it will turn out okay. The Mister is a little more particular than
I, however. My ‘Green Goodness’ concoction was met with a
look of disgust I hope to never witness again, along with an inquiry about the
deal I struck with the yard man following a full day of mowing. Mr. Newman will rue the day he mocked my
super food efforts, once he notices my line-free face, svelte figure, and shiny
hair. My energy shall be boundless,
too. At least that’s what the dirty
hippie who gave me the recipe promised.
Many evenings we work, which doesn’t allow us the
opportunity to sit down together and enjoy a full meal. Juicing is a great way to get that
end-of-the-day, much-needed sustenance.
Have you ever tried to suck a sandwich through a straw? It can’t be done. Liquid meals are fast, and there isn’t much
clean-up afterward.
I sometimes think society puts too much emphasis on
food. I can always find something to eat
– just ask my neighbor, whose oranges mysteriously disappear from her tree on a
regular basis. I commend those who can
whip up a seven-course meal at the drop of the hat. I wish I had that sort of enthusiasm, but I
don’t. No one in my house is starving,
so I suppose that it’s alright.
Green
Goodness Smoothie:
½ cucumber
2 stalks celery
4 leaves of Kale
Parsley (to taste)
Lemon Juice (to taste)
One small apple
Blend until smooth (duh)
