'Tis the Season

Okay, I know I know I know....I made promises to scribble more diligently, but life gets in the way, boys and girls, and I've been far too busy and sleepy to keep you in the loop. Anyhow, my intentions for rectifying the situation are good, so cross your fingers, wish me luck, and then get on with your lives.

'Tis the season, so let's talk about the joy of giving, and the headache that typically comes along with it.

First of all, I don't like to brag, but I've completed most of my holiday shopping, and what I haven't bought I intend to make.  Those on my gift list should be highly concerned right about now.

Online ordering proves itself yet again as the way to go, and many members of my family (myself included) have enough snap to set up Christmas Wish Lists on Amazon.  Sure, it eliminates the element of surprise to a degree, but I'd rather be slightly less thrilled in getting what I've requested rather than overly put out because I've received garbage for which I've no use.

As an enthusiastic giver of gifts, and an equally enthusiastic receiver of one (exceptions:  see garbage), I've put together a list of helpful hints and snarky suggestions for your holiday consideration:

Be Thoughtful:  Whether it comes from a wish list or not, really think about your recipient.  What does she need? (a good night's sleep) What does she want? (tickets to see Rick Springfield at the Hobby Center on February 6).  Notice her manner of dress, the way in which she decorates her home, what she eats, what she drinks, and the how she spends her time.  If she spends her time alone, overly indulging in food and drink, a nice necklace will suffice.

Regarding home decor:  if you're offering framed photos, keep the space of your recipient in mind.  Small candle holders are a nice thought, but can be tricky.  She may have bigger household issues to deal with (squirrel infestation), and a glass what-not from Kirkland's just might not cut it this year.

Be Creative:  I personally love home-made gifts, particularly if it's something that's well executed and comes from the heart.  

Think about your talents and go from there.  You might take a moment to make a list to help you narrow down your choices. Feel free to use my list as an example:

What I'm Good At:
-presenting information
-coordinating outfits
-keeping score

What I Pretend to Be Good At:
-knitting
-sewing
-listening

What I Don't Care That I'm no Good At But Do Anyway:
-cooking
-playing the ukulele
-spying

So everyone on my list this year can expect to receive vital information (gossip) while I sift through their purses. Don't tell me not to do it; I'm not listening.

Honestly, though, how many of our beloved actually need anything?  Do they have food, clothing, and shelter?  If so, why not put a little more time, energy, and money into helping those who don't have the essentials we take for granted.  For example:

-The Salvation Army Christmas Angel Tree Project- an opportunity to give gifts to underprivileged children and senior citizens in your area

                                          Or you could....

-Donate poinsettias or other holiday items to a nursing home or other facility that may need cheering

-Take all the toys your three ungrateful cats don't play with and donate them to an animal shelter.  Shelters will also take food, blankets, cat litter, and cold hard cash.

-Check in on a single neighbor to see if she/he needs anything done around the house (see squirrel infestation).

Let's get creative in letting our loved ones know we love them this time of year, but let's not be stingy with that love - lots of folks can use it.

Hosts, Guests, and other Malcontents

With Thanksgiving just a couple of days away, ‘tis the perfect opportunity to remind you, Sweeties, of how to host, how to guest, and how to generally not make life-long enemies this time of year. Remember, our image goes much deeper than the clothes on our backs: part of it includes our ability to entertain graciously within our homes, our dedication to being the best possible guest ever, and most importantly, to leave everyone wondering, “How does she stay so pretty throughout the day?”

Hosts

Don’t Kill Yourself – In our modern world, it’s quite easy to have someone else do the heavy lifting. I haven’t put it to paper, but I would venture to guess that you can cater your Thanksgiving meal just as affordably as you could should you go ‘the old-fashioned route’. I know for a fact that you can easily feed 6-8 people their turkey, stuffing, gravy, and dinner rolls for $39.99. Have your guests bring additional sides and pies. This way, you won’t have to get up at 4:30 am Thanksgiving morning, nor will you spend the biggest part of the day in the kitchen (unless you simply have to do so in order to get away from ‘those people’)

Spot Clean – Cleanliness is next to Godliness, so you should really take a good, hard look at yourself if your home requires more than a bit of dusting and mopping before your guests arrive. Those newspapers stacked up aren’t really newsworthy anymore, and what is now referred to as ‘The Bathroom Mishap of ‘88’ should have been dealt with back in ’88, don’t you think?

Look Smashing – Nobody likes an unkempt hostess. Go out of your way to wow your guests with your charming style. Avoid track suits, crocs, a bathrobe, or an oversized sweatshirt. Your guests will be so impressed by how fabulous you look that they won’t notice the overcooked turkey and undercooked mashed potatoes.

Keep On Hand – aspirin, Tums, extra wine, toilet paper, Diet Coke (only if your father-in-law is Larry Newman, and if he’s not, what’s he doing at your place and not mine on Thanksgiving?) Benadryl (if you’ve got guests who are allergic to cats), and a good sense of humor.


Guests

Bring Something – it’s in poor taste to show up at someone’s home without a little something –something for the hostess. She went to a lot of trouble to look nice for you. A little trinket of some sort, in addition to the side dish you’ve been assigned, is a nice gesture. Guests who bring me things I like (for example, a good bottle of Merlot), are sure to be invited back next Thanksgiving.

Arrive On Time, and Not Any Earlier – your hostess needs those last few minutes in order to go over last-minute, vital details (place settings, false eyelashes, the usual)

Look Before You Sit – My old cat, Kramer, seldom moves from his spot on the couch these days. Please don’t sit on him.

Don’t Complain – Nobody wants to hear your gripes, particularly if they’re aimed at the hostess or her home.

Don’t Touch That Dial – Never take the liberty of turning on a television that doesn’t belong to you. If you simply must catch ‘the big game’ on Thanksgiving, stay home to do it.

Leave and Don’t Come Back – when I was growing up, we developed a peculiar tradition of spending most of Thanksgiving Day at my grandmother’s house, then leaving, then going back that evening for leftovers. This only created extra work for my grandmother. Leave at a reasonable hour, take leftovers if you’re invited to do so, and let your hostess get on with her business (tidying up, napping, finishing up that Merlot you brought, etc.)

Common courtesy and good intentions go a long way on Thanksgiving. Be on your best behavior, look your best, and enjoy a blessed day with your loved ones. Cheers, Sweeties!



Beth Newman
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Holiday Simplicity

Two weeks before Halloween, several shops in my neighborhood began decking their halls.

Two minutes after Halloween, not a ghost or goblin graced store shelves. They’d been replaced by Santa and his reindeer.

Christmas tunes already blare at one shopping strip near my home.

And it’s still two weeks until Thanksgiving, that seemingly forgotten holiday.

I don’t believe for one minute that the yuletide rush has anything to do with the true ‘reason for the season’; it’s simply a brash, bold move in the name of commercialism.

That’s right – I believe our society is one of over-the-top consumerism. Manufactures and retailers know this, and they play upon us to ‘get it now’, ‘get it while it’s on sale’, ‘get it so your children will love you’, and that sort of thing.

Personally, I’ve had enough of them telling me what to do because, quite frankly, I choose to live simply. I don’t have a lot of stuff. I don’t want a lot of stuff.

I don’t need the newest, most high-tech device out there because I like what I currently have. According to my husband, I’m a notorious purger – I simply don’t like anything unused taking up space in my house.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t understand the big whoop in having a lot of material things. That’s not what the holidays should be about, and it certainly isn’t what life should be about. Some of the most miserable, unhappy people I know are the ones who can (and do) go out and buy any old thing any old time they want.

Keep it simple – that’s my motto. I’ve seen children delight in gifts I’ve given them from The Dollar Store just as much as when they receive gifts I’ve given them from The Fifty Dollar Store. Perhaps if adopt a more childlike (rather than childish) stance, the holidays would be less mentally, emotionally, and financially stressful.

I’d love to see us all take a more elegant approach to giving, receiving, and celebrating this time of year. That means we refrain from camping out in front of stores as Black Friday approaches. It means we steer clear of gigantic inflatable outdoor monstrosities that pass as ‘decorations’. It means realizing that the biggest isn’t always the best, and when we do what we do from the heart rather than for show, we’ll all be better off in the long run.

So I encourage you to celebrate thoughtfully and simply this season.

Beth Newman
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Respond So Very Promptly

One thing I absolutely love about this time of year is that it signals the official launch of Newman’s Own Party Season! Sure, spring and summer parties are fine, but I much prefer those that occur during the fall and winter months because: a) we have snazzier fashion choices, b) we’re offered snazzier food choices, and c) there’s less sweating.

And even though it’s a party, certain rules exists that one must follow, the primary one being that of the RSVP. The RSVP is a request for a response from the invited person. It comes from the French phrase répondez s'il vous plaît, meaning "Please respond". That’s your cue to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It’s quite simple, but not practiced as diligently as it should be.

I have been guilty of a last minute RSVP recently. Although it was a family ‘do, I verbally responded to the key players, but I didn’t officially notify the hostess until a couple of days prior to the event. Shame on me. I felt terrible and vowed never to leave a hostess hanging in such a manner because I know what it’s like to have potential guests who don’t commit. Having learned my lesson, I shall now pass my vast knowledge of party etiquette on to you.

The ‘Maybe’ option on an invitation (we see them quite a bit on electronic invitations) drives me mad. A decent host will issue invitations weeks before a party, and your selection of ‘Maybe’ sends the message I’ll come, unless I find something better to do. Typically, a host will request an official ‘yes’ or ‘no’ by a certain date, so there’s really no need to respond immediately with a ‘maybe’. Your host needs an accurate head count in order to know how much food to prepare and how much wine to have on hand. If you actually show up to the party, still on the ‘maybe’ list, you may be out of luck when it comes to cheese ball portions and the good wine.

‘Yes’ responders are my favorites, particularly when they show up. Should you RSVP a ‘yes’ and are struck by an illness, family emergency, or a recent arrest, contact your hostess immediately, offering your regrets. That’s classy, especially if you’re the latter and it’s your one opportunity to make a phone call.

‘No’ responders usually feel the need to explain why they can’t attend. I don’t need an explanation, but word to the wise: I party by the Three Strike Rule. If I’ve invited you to three different parties and you’ve yet to come to one, you’re off the list, especially if you’ve responded ‘maybe’ to each one and have yet to show. I take a tough love approach to throwing parties.

As much as I adore going to parties, I simply can’t make them all, unfortunately. I work wonky hours sometimes, which keeps me away from a few shindigs. My husband works nights, and, call me old-fashioned, I don’t go to parties without him unless it’s hosted by a family member or is one of those ‘Girls Only’ type of things (Pampered Chef parties, bridal showers, baby showers, etc.) held in someone’s home or in a restaurant (I won’t go if it takes place in a club – especially if it’s a baby shower (tacky) – because, as a happily married woman, I don’t believe I have any business hanging out in bars without my husband present, even if it is with ‘the girls’. I didn’t always feel this way, but after a Come to Jesus moment a few years ago, I realized this is what’s right for me. It may not be right for you, and that’s okay. You’re not me, and I’m not you, so let’s just band together and practice individuality, shall we? ) I mention this because I get many invitations to clubs, thanks to the number of musicians I know who want me to come to their shows, and I simply want to set the record straight. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s always me. When I must turn down a request for my presence, I’m always sure to thank the hostess for including me on her invite list.

The point of this little musing is to remind you that it’s common courtesy to respond promptly and accurately to your party invitations. The pointer point of it is to let you know that the size of my cheese ball depends on you. And I take my cheese balls very, very seriously.

Beth Newman
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Tis the Season

And so it begins.

Here we find ourselves, a week shy of Thanksgiving, and already the holiday spirit has grasped us. Many shopping centers, aglow with twinkles, blast Christmas tunes in order to add to the seasonal vibe.

I’ve a bad feeling, though, that the seasonal vibe has devolved into something less-than-joyful, for I’ve heard too many complaints already about the headache of shopping, the headache of family, and the fears of actually losing one’s house in order to buy his kid the latest high-tech gadget.

Enough, already, I elegantly and humbly ask of you.

It’s the time of year in which we first and foremost must count our blessings. Be grateful for all those folks on your shopping list; there are so many among us who have no one to shop for this time of year.

Oh, and I’ll let you in on a little secret: those on your list will benefit far more from a small gift from your heart rather than something bright and shiny that will add undue stress on you. I hope to never receive something that would put my loved ones into debt (even though I put a $1600 couch on my Amazon wish list. I did it to make my sister laugh. She did. My job is done). I have far more than I’ll ever need, and really the greatest gift I could ever receive is the opportunity to spend time, good cheer, and a lot of laughs with my loved ones this time of year (preferably on a new couch, so if you’d like to contribute to the Beth Newman Sofa Fund, feel free to do so. I’m kidding, of course. My current couch, though old and cat-clawed, suits me just fine.)

Commericialism has gotten so out of hand, particularly around the holidays. A dear friend of mine once told me that she’d informed her children, when they were small, that they could have anything they wanted for Christmas provided they didn’t see an ad for it on television. As a result, her children asked for musical instruments, art supplies, and such, and grew into three of the most loving, giving, and interesting young adults I know.

Perhaps if we related the concept of charity early on to our children, their desire for so much stuff would dwindle. Perhaps if we, ourselves, had been denied a few things as children, we’d be a little more focused on the actual reason for the season.

Here’s my challenge for you, dear friends: this year, take a portion of what you’d normally spend on loved ones and give it to charity. Spend some of that holiday shopping time volunteering in a homeless shelter, animal shelter, or senior citizen facility. Make the kids come along with you so that they can see just how good you’ve got it.

Heck, make this a practice throughout the year.

Remember, it’s all about our feelings and intentions this time of year. Stress, resentment, and worry should never factor into it all.

I truly wish for each of you a holiday season full of love, faith, and charity.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Gracious Guests and the Hosts Who Love Them

My grandmother, who’s just shy of her ninetieth birthday, keeps her home temperature at 140 degrees. On Christmas day, she usually entertains about 2,000 relatives (maybe not that many, but it sure seems like it at times)in her small house….all of whom become hot, sweaty messes within an hour. No one complains about the heat, though, at least not to Nanny’s face because a) it’s rude, and b) Nanny still hits really hard.

Having learned the finer aspects of being a gracious guest very early in life (“We’re all hot; just go outside and roll yourself in the snow!”), I’m compelled to review with you the finer points of what to do when entering someone else’s home. I say review because, honestly, deep down, I know you know these things. Yet friends, family, neighbors, and clients have all relayed to me truly horrific tales of truly horrifying guests recently.

Any hostess worth her salt will inform guests ahead of time of any home issue that might inconvenience her guests (broken heater, low water pressure, a sick cat, etc.) That’s your cue to figure out how to accommodate yourself (bring along a sweater and leave the extra-sudsy shampoo at home). It is incredibly rude to point out the obvious, especially if she’s already pointed it out. Doing so WILL embarrass her, WILL hurt her feelings, and WILL result in her silent vow never to have you back. Should Fluffy’s hairball issue prove too much to bear, feel free to politely excuse yourself and go home (but only after thanking your hostess for a wonderful time).

Body odor is never an acceptable form of protest. If problems exist with your host’s plumbing, you still must find a way to practice good hygiene.

Remember the old saying, “Guests and fish start to stink after three days” (and in some cases, after three minutes). Never overstay your welcome. If you notice your hostess yawning or appearing glassy-eyed, take the hint and leave. (A side note: if you’re co-hosting a ‘do, never tell your co-host, “I told so-and-so-to come over whenever”. By golly, you better call so-and-so back and tell them a specific time -2:00-2:30 sounds nice. Time frames are helpful and give hope).

Never turn on the television in someone else’s home, unless you’re invited to do so. If you must catch ‘the big game’, there’s a lovely sports bar just around the corner.

If you’re an overnight guest, learn and live the rules of the house and always pick up after yourself. Keep your bags and toiletries tidy and as inconspicuous as possible.

Leave your dog at home unless your host gives you the okay to bring him. Don’t yell at other guests if Fido happens to make a run for it out of an opened door. Fido is your responsibility.

Having small children does not give you permission to tell others how to baby-proof their homes. Your hostess may like sharp objects – that’s why she doesn’t have kids. Take heart, though: a hostess with enough snap is already one step ahead of you, and has caged her pet raccoon and locked up her guns.

Don’t take the liberty of dusting someone else’s home, unless you’re asked to do so. A guest who asks, “You know what would make this room look really good?” deserves to be smacked in the gob, so watch it.

Don’t bring brussell sprouts to a party.

If your hostess keeps a framed photo of a certain ‘80’s pop star on her desk, it’s okay to say, “My goodness, you’re so silly,” (trust me, she knows she is), “Hey, look, it’s that guy!” or “My god, that man still looks fantastic after all these years!” (because he does). It’s not okay to say, “Why on earth would you have that?” Your hostess may be tempted to respond with, “Why on earth would you wear those shoes in public?” But your hostess has class, and would never point out something she feels is ridiculous.

If the topic of conversation is the return of the legging, it’s a safe bet no one wishes to discuss health care reform. Parties and FOX News do not mix.

Remain mindful of your volume. If you notice other guests going to another room to chat, covering their ears, or waiting by the door for the cops to show up regarding noise complaints, that means you’re probably too loud.

If the party invitation states BYOB, then do it.

A huge difference lies between “Pour me another” and “Call me a cab”. Know your booze limits, and never assume your host will allow you access to her guest room, couch, or front lawn if you pass out.

If you notice a small fire in the bathroom, please alert your host immediately.

Our homes are our sanctuaries, and we should all feel honored when invited into someone’s home. We must remain on our best behavior at all times, even with our closest of kin and best of friends. We expect our children to act accordingly, and they certainly won’t learn that lesson unless we lead by example. Good guests are rewarded with invitations to come back, the fancy coffee (‘not the swill we serve everyone else, Darlene’), and increased admiration. Practice the Golden Rule, my friends, and treat others’ homes they way you’d like for yours to be treated.

Holidays and Happy Days

I suppose I was about four years old. Christmas loomed large; our small home sparkled with multi-colored lights, my mother spent hours whipping up all sorts of holiday treats, and I learned a great lesson about the true meaning of the season. I didn’t learn it from my family or in Sunday school. I learned it from the coolest cat around in the mid-1970’s: The Fonz.

In the early episodes of Happy Days, Arthur Fonzarelli had yet to ingratiate himself into the Cunningham household. He was merely a hoodlum mechanic who spent a little time with Ritchie and the gang. One Christmas, though, he found himself alone. He gave the guys some story about visiting relatives in another town. Everyone bought it except Ritchie and me. I knew Fonzie was to be alone, and it made me sad…very, very sad. I remember fighting back tears, my young heart aching for Mr. C to invite the Fonz to their home for Christmas.

Finally, Mr. C and Ritchie went to Fonzie’s place and confronted him (this was before the Fonz moved into the Cunningham’s garage apartment). They tried every trick to get Fonzie to join them. “We’ve got a great big tree!” Ritchie proclaimed. “I got a tree,” Fonzie replied. The camera cuts to a small, sad-looking table-top tree. I cut to the bathroom, where I had a good cry.

I finally got control of myself and was able to catch the last five minutes or so of the episode – a happy ending, of course. The Fonz spent Christmas with the Cunningham family, and I realized that Christmas wasn’t all about the glitzy lights, the presents, and Santa Claus. It was about reaching out to those who needed it, and offering the best present of all – our time. The best part about it, of course, is that it need not only apply during the holidays.

Happy days, indeed, are the result.

Beth Newman
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Holiday Ease (Part Four)

We’ve already discussed giving and why we do it. Today I’d like to share some great little finds friends and I have discovered that make wonderful gifts or stocking stuffers:

For Fashion Forward Gal Pals:
Anything from the Miss Oops line (www.missoops.com). Quick little fixes for the fabulous at heart. Delivery is super fast.

For the Traveling Man Who Has Everything:
Travel-size versions of his favorite colognes, shampoos, etc.

Light Reading for the Well-Read:
Magazine subscriptions (Vogue, Men’s Vogue, Town and Country, Vanity Fair)

For the House Proud:
Poopourrie (www.poopourrie.net) A small little miracle for any bathroom. No more overly-scented room deodorizers!

For Kids Who Aren’t Your Own:
Gift bags filled to the brim with all sorts of inexpensive little goodies (Silly Putty, whistles, colored chalk, etc.)


Tipping
Now, I’ve received many inquiries regarding tipping and gifts for those who provide year-round service. My general rule of thumb is a follows:

Manicurist/Pedicurist/Massage Therapist/Hair Stylist – Double the tip you normally give them, and throw in a lovely little box of chocolates (or something to that effect).

Housekeeper- If you use a service, include a small tip for each person who cleans your home (that’s in addition to what the service normally charges). If you use an independent cleaner, I’d recommend a generous tip or even doubling what you usually pay them. A jar of nice hand cream along with the extra cash will be greatly appreciated!

Favorite Waiter/Bartender – Again, double your usual tip and slip them a card expressing how much you appreciate their attentiveness as you wine and dine.


Charitable Giving
Should you desire in lieu of gifts to make a charitable donation in someone’s name, do check with that someone to make sure it’s okay. Yes, giving to charity is vitally important, just don’t assume your loved ones (especially children) will be completely on board with it. .

Again, dear friends, it’s our intentions while giving that really matter. I encourage you to do it willingly and from the heart.

Happy holidays to you and yours!

Beth Newman
Fashion and Lifestyle Advisor
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!