Our Way of Life

Cheers, Sweeties, and Happy New Year to you all!  As the insanity of the holiday season winds down, many of us may find ourselves taking time for quiet reflection.  Perhaps we’re making resolutions, setting goals, and listing intentions that will make every self-help guru out there proud – and wealthy.  Let’s face it, we’ve so many ‘coaches’, ‘spiritual leaders’, and ‘success trainers’ out there that determining what’s best for us can be downright daunting. We’ve spent unspeakable amounts of money on books, courses, and seminars, and I wonder just how effective the deluge of self-help information out there actually is.   I’ve been guilty of the ‘you can do it!’ overload, so much so that when I go back and reread some of these musings I fall ill.  It’s not that I don’t buy it anymore – I do – but we’re so overrun these days with it that I’m officially over trying to contribute to it. 

Yet that does not mean I’m not seeking ways in which to improve myself.  As a matter of fact, I’ve discovered the one helpful guide that truly resonates with me. 

Joan Crawford’s My Way of Life.

 

I ask that you put aside any preconceived Mommie Dearest notions.  There are too many accounts out there contradicting the allegations made by Miss Crawford’s eldest daughter, Christina.  I won’t go into all the details here, for you’re quite capable of conducting your own research.  Although the film Mommie Dearest remains one of my campy guilty pleasures, I don’t believe for one minute she abused her children.  (Side note:  it is my sincerest hope that someday I, too, shall be in a position in which I must chop down rose bushes with an ax while wearing a full-length gown in the dead of night). 

Old Hollywood is a hobby of mine, and my studies over the years reveal that Miss Crawford was strict, disciplined, and extremely dedicated to success.  I admire those traits.  She was beautiful and stylish, which are always additional pluses in my book.  After reading My Way of Life and Googling Joan Crawford until I gave myself a headache, we might go so far to say that she was certifiably insane – another admirable trait, in my opinion.

I received this book from my sister, who so gets me and, well, my way of life.  Out-of-print for years, I’m sure she had to jump through myriad hoops in order to get her lovely hands on it.  I spent the whole of my Christmas vacation devouring it, and am compelled to share with you, gentle reader, a few of the highlights and advice Miss Crawford offers in order to ‘maintain your best, intelligent, enterprising, seductive self at all times’.

At the time of the book’s publication, Miss Crawford’s film career had all but vanished.  Aside from a few scant appearances on television, her primary role in 1971 was that of Goodwill Ambassador for Pepsi Cola. Her late husband, Alfred Steele, was president and CEO of the soft-drink company, and following his death, Miss Crawford took it upon herself to remain a vital voice within Pepsi.  She regales My Way of Life readers with stories of being busy…very busy…so much so that each and every day was a whirlwind of phone calls, meetings, appearances, and travel.  Yet in spite of her terribly full calendar, she still managed to look and feel fantastic.  How did she do it?  Read on….

 

Life in General

I’ve persuaded myself that I hate things that are bad for me-fattening foods, late nights, loud and aggressive people top the list.  I’m with you, Joan, and my intention for 2014 is to avoid all of the above.

We all have our problems, but I don’t inflict mine on my friends. Preach it, Sister.

I abhor dropper-inners.  Even my own children wouldn’t think of dropping in without calling to see if I’m busy.  I don’t like dropper-inners, either, and I’ll take it a step further by telling you that I don’t like phone messages or texts simply stating call me.  Give me a reason to do so, and I just might (I think I may have out-Crawford Joan on this one).

Marriage

Miss Crawford walked down the aisle four times, so obviously we should look to her as an expert on the subject.  She spoke lovingly of each of her husbands in the book, and that’s a good example for all of us to follow during any sort of break up.  Why waste energy playing the blame game? 

She advises us gals to take an active interest in our husbands’ careers.  I do that, but after having been called everything from Yoko Ono to Lucy Ricardo, I’ve backed off…..a little.  I say follow JC’s lead, but understand your audience.  Mr. Newman is no Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., and vice-versa.

Entertaining

 

You may say to yourself, I’m not Joan Crawford.  I can’t afford trainloads of caviar.  I don’t think I need to elablorate on this, but I will tell you that it was a favorite line bandied about the Newman House during our holiday hosting preparations.  It replaced our usual Do you want our guests to ring in the New Year constipated? line.

Home Décor

Be prepared to spend a sinful amount of money and go through an awful lot of trial and error until your home is absolutely perfect and a true, tasteful reflection of you.  Miss Crawford muses about early decorating mistakes before hiring a team of professionals, and shared a story about a wall-paper so busy that ‘Judy Garland fainted and had to be carried out of the house’.  As an amateur Judy Garland historian, I think I can safely say it wasn’t the wall paper that caused Judy to pass out.

Traveling

Most of Miss Crawford’s travels required no less than fifteen suitcases.  By the time you have your German maid, Mamacita, place tissue paper in each sleeve, the old ‘roll it’ method simply won’t work here.  Factor in your matching hats, gloves, and shoes, and it should be no surprise when your house-man, Mr. Grant, must make numerous suitcase-laden trips to a waiting limousine parked out front by the tennis court.

 

Looking the Part

 

Miss Crawford’s secret for beautiful skin and hair can be summed up in one word:  mayonnaise.  But not just any old mayonnaise – one she made herself to insure that no harsh chemicals were used.  I like it!  In order to maintain one’s figure, she recommends several While Doing Something Else Exercises:  knee bends while scraping carrots, arm flexes while on the phone, etc.  Good tips, but the one I like the most proves tricky to do while you’re doing something else.  It requires you to sit on the floor and walk your buttocks across it.  I tried it, and definitely felt the burn in my core region.  I was also pleasantly surprised to discover a nice sheen on my tile floors afterward, so, yes, I suppose this counts as a two-for-one deal.

A Touch of Magic

The final, all-too-brief chapter discusses what I think should be the most important aspect of anyone’s way of life:

Charm isn’t something you can turn on like a tap with a pretty little-girl simper.  Charm is an ease with people – all kinds of people.  It’s wanting to be a giver.  Responding, communicating, having a genuine interest in people.  Try to make it a part of your way of life.

I shall, Miss Crawford, and thank you.

 

 

 

They Are Not Lunkheads. They Are Trash.

I stole today’s title.  It’s a line from Jincy Willet’s story, *The Best of Betty.  I don’t know why it made me laugh out loud, and I certainly can’t tell you why I chose it as the title for this little musing.  It’s counter to all the ‘life is meant to be good and we should all love one another and you should really try to look your best’ blah blah blah I usually try to promote.

I suppose blah blah blah sums up my mood today.  I’ve been falsely accused recently of always being in a good mood, and I generally am.  But when someone describes me as nauseatingly happy, it causes me to pause and reflect on just how far I’m pushing this happiness thing – onto others, and onto myself.  If people want to vomit after spending ten minutes in my company, I’m obviously not doing something right.

But am I happy?  Yes.

Am I always in a good mood?  Certainly not.  In fact, I can get downright snarky, and this little literary effort is my outlet for doing so today.  Some people like it when I go on a snarky tangent; others not so much.  If you fall into the latter category, I invite you to leave immediately and return when the content centers on lollipops and roses again (snarky remark #1). 

I’m not choosing to be snarky or reveal my woes for the sake of getting attention, like a lot of folks who air dirty laundry in public and on social media sites (snarky remark #2).  In fact, I try to draw as little attention to myself as possible (note the fact that this blog only has 17 followers, and yes, that’s snarky remark #3).  I’m doing this so that others who have, like me, hopped aboard the feel-good train know that doubts, concerns, and general malaise can still creep in.  As a passenger, I know it’s important to snap out of it, and I will.  Myriad ways exist in which to do it.  I hope my fellow passengers know it, too, and I hope that they actually get a kick out of how I’m choosing to snap out of it by wallowing in it for a little while.

Questions?

Yes, thank you for asking, I have many, and here they are, in no particular order:

Does God really care, or is He too caught up in searching for a new pope that He can’t really focus right now on my trifling little worries?  (snarky remark #4)

Why do some give so much and receive so little? 

Why do some give so little and receive so much?

I’m sure he had his reasons, but why?  

 PALM BEACH, FL (Palm Beach Post) A customer at a store in the 100 block of North Dixie Highway stuffed two bottles of Head &Shoulders shampoo into his pants, then left the store without paying for them. He was arrested for the $15.58 theft and taken to the county jail. 

He obviously needed the Head & Shoulders, but really, pant-stuffing has become such a cliché among thieves these days.  I hope his jail time wasn’t long.  I think he’s got bigger, more head-scratching problems to deal with (snarky remark #5.  corny joke #1).

Why am I not jazzed about this season’s Project Runway?

Why do these and other questions keep me awake at night, and why can’t I simply just turn my brain off occasionally?

I wish I knew, but I don’t.  Not now, anyway.  In good time, I’m sure all will be revealed (except for the shampoo thief who’s probably keeping a low profile due to the embarrassment of jail time and dandruff.  Snarky remark #6).

Answers.

I have a few, in case you’re in the market for any.

Those who generally go about life all bubbly do hit a wall from time to time, so give them a break and quit trying to cheer them up.  Stop hounding them with questions, but do consider buying them a nice gift (snarky remark #7).

If you’re one of the bubbly ones, don’t tell others when you’re feeling a bit blue.  Blog about it instead (snarky remark #8).

Finding like-minded souls helps, no matter how weird they may seem, so get over the fact that you may have to drive twenty minutes out of your way to get to them (snarky remark #9).

As much as I’ve preached about the sins of too much TV, a little daily viewing can certainly be a good sort of get-away.

Stop trying to make everyone happy.  It won’t work.

AOB

Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.  Name-calling is never nice, chic, or elegant, but it can be fun sometimes (snarky remark #10).  This lunkhead enjoys it occasionally, but only does it in a teasing manner….usually.   Trash is a category, and we should never categorize our fellow humans as such.  Blog entries, on the other hand, well, that’s a different story (snarky remark #11).

There, I managed to tie in the title with the actual content.  Talk about a good little ‘pick me up’– well done, me! (snarky remark #12)

 

*The Best of Betty by Jincy Willet can be found in the anthology Children Playing Before a Stature of Hercules.  Forward written by David Sedaris.

 

Nothing on My Mind

Once upon I time, I used writing as therapy.  I’ve kept journals since I was about 12-years-old, and always found that getting the thoughts in my head down on paper helped me sort out things about myself and the world around me.

So does the fact that I’ve got nothing to write about today mean I’ve no thoughts in my head?  No.  I woke up wondering why my dryer doesn’t dry effectively.  I then mused at great length over coffee about Madonna and why she won’t go away, and wondered who told her that donning a cheerleading costume on stage was a good idea.  She certainly falls into the ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should category’ doesn’t she?   After coffee I thought about the errands I had to run today and wondered if I should take my 22-year-old cat in for a face lift. Welcome to the brain of Beth Newman, boys and girls!

 Since writing was, once-upon-a-time, cathartic, does this apparent writer’s block mean I’ve solved all my problems and those of the world? No.  We still have good people wearing bad clothes, and those quick to blame others when things don’t go their way.  We have people who’ve no idea how they’re perceived by others, and we’ve people who do dumb things on a regular basis.

It dawns on me that I’ve used writing to ease my frustrations:  why don’t people want to look their best, always?  Why don’t they want to take ownership of their lives?  Why don’t they want to rise above and act a bit classier than their neighbors?  I still ask these questions, but I’m much less frustrated than I used to be about them.  My powers are limited, after all, and the world would certainly be a boring place if we were all nice, neat little packages. 

Perhaps it means that I’m content – finally – to just ‘be’, and to let others ‘just be’.  I’m not closing up shop, because business has been quite good lately – maybe that has something to do with my lack of motivation to write.  I’m blessed and busy helping others in person rather than trying to change them through my little musings.

So what’s on my mind right now?  Gratitude, for starters, for too many things to list here.   I’m also thinking about what to have for lunch.  And I just can’t get that picture of Madonna in a cheerleading costume out of my head….

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

Check out my new radio show, The Fabulosity Factor with Beth Newman, at www.blogtalkradio.com/bethnewman each Wednesday at 10AM CST.

Summer School

Something about this time of year always has me feeling a bit nostalgic. As a kid, I loved summer vacation, and it always proved to be just that: a vacation. It meant time away from school (a good thing), trips out of town (a necessary thing, particularly for my overworked father), and an opportunity to improve myself (even back then, I was a self-help nerd).

Although I made fairly good grades (provided I enjoyed the course), school was not necessarily ‘my thing’ (ironic that I devoted twelve years of my adult life as a school teacher, don’t you think?). Don’t get me wrong – I believe a great deal of merit exists in most of these academic and athletic camps that have become quite popular these days, but I fear too many of our children are overscheduled right now when they should be relaxing and recharging for the upcoming school year. My youngest client, a girl of eight, comes to me three afternoons a week absolutely exhausted. She attends two summer camps daily, and when she leaves me, she heads to her piano lesson. It’s too much!

Sometimes just living life, even a kid’s life, can provide concrete learning that will ultimately shape our adult selves. Allow me to share a few of my own childhood discoveries that I still fall back upon today:

-Motor skills can be improved upon when one’s teen-aged aunt forces you to cut pictures of Shaun Cassidy out of Tiger Beat magazine. It wasn’t always easy – sometimes his face was in the shape of a heart.

-The ability to coordinate outfits and dress for any occasion is quite important and can lead to a great career (at least in my world). I am forever indebted to Barbie for that one. She slept in a Kleenex box, but she always looked fabulous – that’s a great example of understanding your priorities and ‘making do’ (to quote my mother) with what you’ve got.

-Sharing equals caring. Always the gentleman, Han Solo (in the form of an action figure) consistently offered his blaster to Kate Jackson when she and the other plastic Angels fought crimes in the Miller family living room. That’s also a good example of chivalry, which I’ve always found to be an incredibly attractive trait.

-I learned quite early in life the importance of good grooming thanks to Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers and a boy who encouraged me to get in touch with my feminine side (he’d already found his, and I truly loved him for it) by applying Vaseline to my eyelashes in order to make them shine.

-I can’t solve an algebraic equation or play an instrument well, but I do know the finer points of overthrowing one’s father as the head of the family business, faking one’s death, and overcoming amnesia thanks to countless summer hours spent watching Guiding Light (man, do I miss that show!)

-Lessons in compromise and strategic planning tactics occur when you share a room with your sister, particularly when negotiating which walls Duran Duran posters should grace, and which walls Rick Springfield posters should grace.

-Reading comprehension skills are greatly improved upon when one devotes hours to Seventeen magazine. A girl can hone her critical thinking skills by taking each quiz in the magazine, and discover, too, what type of boy she will marry, the colors that look best on her, and which hairsprays are the best at keeping her bangs resembling those of a mutant rooster.

-My music lessons came from listening to Amarillo’s All Hit Z-93. I would grow up and become the ‘Mid-Day Girl’ for that station a decade later. That’s one of those Law of Attraction spiritual-type lessons, too: what you think about, you bring about.

And I thought an awful lot about having fun, enjoying myself, improving myself, acting silly, and diving into weirdly creative activities each summer. I still do…

Beth Newman
Image Consultant, Life Coach, Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!