Cheers, Sweeties, and Happy New Year to you
all! As the insanity of the holiday
season winds down, many of us may find ourselves taking time for quiet
reflection. Perhaps we’re making
resolutions, setting goals, and listing intentions that will make every
self-help guru out there proud – and wealthy.
Let’s face it, we’ve so many ‘coaches’, ‘spiritual leaders’, and ‘success
trainers’ out there that determining what’s best for us can be downright
daunting. We’ve spent unspeakable amounts of money on books, courses, and
seminars, and I wonder just how effective the deluge of self-help information out
there actually is. I’ve been guilty of the ‘you can do it!’
overload, so much so that when I go back and reread some of these musings I
fall ill. It’s not that I don’t buy it
anymore – I do – but we’re so overrun these days with it that I’m officially
over trying to contribute to it.
Yet that does not mean I’m not seeking ways in which
to improve myself. As a matter of fact, I’ve
discovered the one helpful guide that truly resonates with me.
Joan Crawford’s My
Way of Life.
I ask that you put aside any preconceived Mommie Dearest notions. There are too many accounts out there
contradicting the allegations made by Miss Crawford’s eldest daughter,
Christina. I won’t go into all the
details here, for you’re quite capable of conducting your own research. Although the film Mommie Dearest remains
one of my campy guilty pleasures, I don’t believe for one minute she abused
her children. (Side note: it is my sincerest hope that someday I, too,
shall be in a position in which I must chop down rose bushes with an ax while
wearing a full-length gown in the dead of night).
Old Hollywood is a hobby of mine, and my studies
over the years reveal that Miss Crawford was strict, disciplined, and extremely
dedicated to success. I admire those traits. She was
beautiful and stylish, which are always additional pluses in my book. After reading My Way of Life and Googling Joan Crawford until I gave myself a
headache, we might go so far to say that she was certifiably insane – another
admirable trait, in my opinion.
I received this book from my sister, who so gets me
and, well, my way of life. Out-of-print
for years, I’m sure she had to jump through myriad hoops in order to get her
lovely hands on it. I spent the whole of
my Christmas vacation devouring it, and am compelled to share with you, gentle
reader, a few of the highlights and advice Miss Crawford offers in order to ‘maintain
your best, intelligent, enterprising, seductive self at all times’.
At the time of the book’s publication, Miss Crawford’s
film career had all but vanished. Aside
from a few scant appearances on television, her primary role in 1971 was that
of Goodwill Ambassador for Pepsi Cola. Her late husband, Alfred Steele, was
president and CEO of the soft-drink company, and following his death, Miss
Crawford took it upon herself to remain a vital voice within Pepsi. She regales My Way of Life readers with stories of being busy…very busy…so much
so that each and every day was a whirlwind of phone calls, meetings,
appearances, and travel. Yet in spite of
her terribly full calendar, she still managed to look and feel fantastic. How did she do it? Read on….
Life
in General
I’ve
persuaded myself that I hate things that are bad for me-fattening foods, late
nights, loud and aggressive people top the list. I’m with you, Joan, and my intention for 2014
is to avoid all of the above.
We
all have our problems, but I don’t inflict mine on my friends.
Preach it, Sister.
I
abhor dropper-inners. Even my own
children wouldn’t think of dropping in without calling to see if I’m busy. I don’t like dropper-inners, either, and I’ll
take it a step further by telling you that I don’t like phone messages or texts
simply stating call me. Give me a reason to do so, and I just might
(I think I may have out-Crawford Joan on this one).
Marriage
Miss Crawford walked down the aisle four times, so
obviously we should look to her as an expert on the subject.
She spoke lovingly of each of her husbands in the book, and that’s a
good example for all of us to follow during any sort of break up. Why waste energy playing the blame game?
She advises us gals to take an active interest in
our husbands’ careers. I do that, but
after having been called everything from Yoko Ono to Lucy Ricardo, I’ve backed off…..a
little. I say follow JC’s lead, but
understand your audience. Mr. Newman is
no Douglas Fairbanks, Jr., and vice-versa.
Entertaining
You
may say to yourself, I’m not Joan Crawford.
I can’t afford trainloads of caviar. I don’t think I need to elablorate on this,
but I will tell you that it was a favorite line bandied about the Newman House
during our holiday hosting preparations.
It replaced our usual Do you want
our guests to ring in the New Year constipated? line.
Home
Décor
Be prepared to spend a sinful amount of money and go through
an awful lot of trial and error until your home is absolutely perfect and a
true, tasteful reflection of you. Miss
Crawford muses about early decorating mistakes before hiring a team of professionals,
and shared a story about a wall-paper so busy that ‘Judy Garland fainted and
had to be carried out of the house’. As
an amateur Judy Garland historian, I think I can safely say it wasn’t the wall
paper that caused Judy to pass out.
Traveling
Most of Miss Crawford’s travels required no less
than fifteen suitcases. By the time you
have your German maid, Mamacita, place tissue paper in
each sleeve, the old ‘roll it’ method simply won’t work here. Factor in your matching hats, gloves, and
shoes, and it should be no surprise when your house-man, Mr. Grant, must make
numerous suitcase-laden trips to a waiting limousine parked out front by the
tennis court.
Looking
the Part
Miss Crawford’s secret for beautiful skin and hair
can be summed up in one word: mayonnaise. But not just any old mayonnaise – one she
made herself to insure that no harsh chemicals were used. I like it!
In order to maintain one’s figure, she recommends several While Doing Something Else Exercises: knee bends while scraping carrots, arm
flexes while on the phone, etc. Good
tips, but the one I like the most proves tricky to do while you’re doing something
else. It requires you to sit on the
floor and walk your buttocks across it.
I tried it, and definitely felt the burn in my core region. I was also pleasantly surprised to discover a
nice sheen on my tile floors afterward, so, yes, I suppose this counts as a
two-for-one deal.
A
Touch of Magic
The final, all-too-brief chapter discusses what I
think should be the most important aspect of anyone’s way of life:
Charm
isn’t something you can turn on like a tap with a pretty little-girl
simper. Charm is an ease with people –
all kinds of people. It’s wanting to be
a giver. Responding, communicating,
having a genuine interest in people. Try
to make it a part of your way of life.
I shall, Miss Crawford, and thank you.
