Respond So Very Promptly

One thing I absolutely love about this time of year is that it signals the official launch of Newman’s Own Party Season! Sure, spring and summer parties are fine, but I much prefer those that occur during the fall and winter months because: a) we have snazzier fashion choices, b) we’re offered snazzier food choices, and c) there’s less sweating.

And even though it’s a party, certain rules exists that one must follow, the primary one being that of the RSVP. The RSVP is a request for a response from the invited person. It comes from the French phrase répondez s'il vous plaît, meaning "Please respond". That’s your cue to answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It’s quite simple, but not practiced as diligently as it should be.

I have been guilty of a last minute RSVP recently. Although it was a family ‘do, I verbally responded to the key players, but I didn’t officially notify the hostess until a couple of days prior to the event. Shame on me. I felt terrible and vowed never to leave a hostess hanging in such a manner because I know what it’s like to have potential guests who don’t commit. Having learned my lesson, I shall now pass my vast knowledge of party etiquette on to you.

The ‘Maybe’ option on an invitation (we see them quite a bit on electronic invitations) drives me mad. A decent host will issue invitations weeks before a party, and your selection of ‘Maybe’ sends the message I’ll come, unless I find something better to do. Typically, a host will request an official ‘yes’ or ‘no’ by a certain date, so there’s really no need to respond immediately with a ‘maybe’. Your host needs an accurate head count in order to know how much food to prepare and how much wine to have on hand. If you actually show up to the party, still on the ‘maybe’ list, you may be out of luck when it comes to cheese ball portions and the good wine.

‘Yes’ responders are my favorites, particularly when they show up. Should you RSVP a ‘yes’ and are struck by an illness, family emergency, or a recent arrest, contact your hostess immediately, offering your regrets. That’s classy, especially if you’re the latter and it’s your one opportunity to make a phone call.

‘No’ responders usually feel the need to explain why they can’t attend. I don’t need an explanation, but word to the wise: I party by the Three Strike Rule. If I’ve invited you to three different parties and you’ve yet to come to one, you’re off the list, especially if you’ve responded ‘maybe’ to each one and have yet to show. I take a tough love approach to throwing parties.

As much as I adore going to parties, I simply can’t make them all, unfortunately. I work wonky hours sometimes, which keeps me away from a few shindigs. My husband works nights, and, call me old-fashioned, I don’t go to parties without him unless it’s hosted by a family member or is one of those ‘Girls Only’ type of things (Pampered Chef parties, bridal showers, baby showers, etc.) held in someone’s home or in a restaurant (I won’t go if it takes place in a club – especially if it’s a baby shower (tacky) – because, as a happily married woman, I don’t believe I have any business hanging out in bars without my husband present, even if it is with ‘the girls’. I didn’t always feel this way, but after a Come to Jesus moment a few years ago, I realized this is what’s right for me. It may not be right for you, and that’s okay. You’re not me, and I’m not you, so let’s just band together and practice individuality, shall we? ) I mention this because I get many invitations to clubs, thanks to the number of musicians I know who want me to come to their shows, and I simply want to set the record straight. It’s not you, it’s me. It’s always me. When I must turn down a request for my presence, I’m always sure to thank the hostess for including me on her invite list.

The point of this little musing is to remind you that it’s common courtesy to respond promptly and accurately to your party invitations. The pointer point of it is to let you know that the size of my cheese ball depends on you. And I take my cheese balls very, very seriously.

Beth Newman
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Shop Smart!

Alright, Sweeties, we’re down to the wire: it’s officially shopping season! If you’ve not yet hit the stores in order to snag some fabulous new fall finds, you must hop to it! Before you do, however, remain mindful of the following:

Inventory – shop from your closet first. If you didn’t wear it at all last season, chances are you won’t wear it this season. Get rid of it. Make a list of what you need in order to revamp your wardrobe. This includes not only your clothing, but your shoes and accessories as well.

Budget- yes, you can be frugal and fabulous. Most stores and boutiques are already offering markdowns on fall merchandise in order to make room for incoming holiday collections. Stay within your budget. Get on customer rewards programs offered by most boutiques, and take advantage of the deals and coupons they offer.

Do Your Homework – look online for looks you love, and visit only those stores. I limit myself (and my clients) to two places during any shopping excursion. Call ahead to insure those stores carry what you’re seeking (not every store sells what is available online). Some boutiques will allow you to call ahead and hold certain items providing you’ll be in within 24 hours.

Be Classy – use those coupons, but don’t ask for a ‘double dip’. Carefully consider having a sales associate ring your items up under several different transactions in order to use several different coupons, particularly if the store is crowded and you won’t save that much more money in the long run by having her do so.

Show Some Respect – After trying on clothes, re-hang the ones you’re not taking and leave them neatly in the fitting room. The sales associates are not your personal maid service, nor are they your personal punching bag. Always remain kind and considerate to those who assist you.

Wear Proper Undergarments – If you’re shopping for cocktail attire, don’t wear a jogging bra. Wear your Spanx to insurer a smooth silhouette.

Child’s Play – Never allow your child to roam freely in a store. Not only does this put the child in danger, it could also present a liability to the store. Small children and boutique shopping really don’t mix, so do try to leave the kids with a sitter while you shop.

Return to Sender – Should you discover that recent purchases won’t work for you, return them to the store in which you bought them. Stores take a ‘hit’ anytime you return, and it’s not really fair to penalize Boutique North because you changed your mind about what you bought at Boutique South. Most online purchases include a return address label – use it.

Remain focused, smart, and considerate – happy shopping, Sweeties!

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Beth’s book, 365 Days of Fabulosity, is now available through Amazon!

Classy Warfare

I read the headlines each morning. I scan all of your Facebook posts and tweets. I review the stories brought to me weekly by Star magazine. I try to stay well-informed, and in doing so, I’ve come to the following conclusion: classy people are few and far between these days.

Classy People are those who simply live their lives, doing their best to bring a little fabulosity into the world. Ruled by the greater good, rather than their own ego, they share what they feel might be interesting, entertaining, or inspiring to others.

Non-Classy People do just the opposite. They’re crass, bothersome complainers who definitely possess a membership card from the doom and gloom club: the world is ending, and it’s all the government’s fault. A slight sniffle is most likely a symptom of something deadly, because, after all, everything will kill you nowadays. Never trust a rich, white man – you know, that sort of thing.

A sub-section of the Non-Classy People consists of the Attention Whores. With social media, everyone’s a celebrity. I believe that with that ‘celebrity’ comes responsibility: be smart in your posts; today alone I’ve seen everything from vomiting jack-o-lanterns to bitch-slapping cats. Not classy.

A good wit – that’s classy. People doing their own thing and helping others to succeed at doing their own thing – that’s classy. Parents who force their children to write thank-you notes – that’s classy.

Talking on your cell phone in public – not classy. Bragging about your hangover from your binge last night – not classy. Proclaiming yourself as a princess or diva – not classy.

Hang on – I’ve got more:

Leaving the party a tad early – classy.

Hanging around long after the party’s over – not classy (just plain sad, at that point)

Treating your spouse with respect - classy.

Badmouthing him to others because he’s being himself – not classy.

Treating your wedding as simply the first step toward a long, happy life of teamwork – classy.

Proclaiming that your wedding is ‘your big day’ or ‘your time to shine’ – not classy.

Delight when others dig the people/places/things you dig – classy.

Possessiveness over the people/places/things you dig – not classy.

I could go on, but rambling is not classy. And I, as a disciple of fabulosity and all things elegant, know that I must keep class in the forefront of my mind. I invite you to join me on my classy mission. Let’s rise up, have some fun, and put the kibosh on the negative messages hurled at us each day. The world isn’t doomed, nor will it end because you have an undiagnosed rash. Sure, Jennifer Aniston still graces far too magazine covers, but perhaps if we stop buying those magazines, she’ll go away. Maybe if we turn off the so-called reality TV, somebody, somewhere might re-introduce us to quality entertainment. We’ll all be better off if we simply live our message rather than preach our message. A little outreach is good – being in someone’s face isn’t. Classy Warfare is on - who’s with me?

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!
Beth’s new book, 365 Days of Fabulosity, is now available through Amazon

Coming On Strong

Given recent events that have occurred in my life, I feel I have no choice, boys and girls, but to address an issue that I’ve discussed before: coming on too strongly in social situations.

Nothing will rob you of your fabulosity more than doing so.

Not only will others consider you a pest, but you’ll ooze an unattractive sense of desperation. Take note, therefore, to avoid the following:

Dominating the conversation – it should never, ever be about you. A charming gal, or guy, will ask questions of others and listen intently to the replies offered. Steering a conversation into the ‘all about me’ category is a huge turn-off, as is incessant rambling about any-old-thing. Someone of few words, who quietly possesses that certain something, will receive plenty of attention with great ease.

Cornering – I have been the victim of cornering, and it’s no fun. No one has the right to back another into a corner in order to discuss his divorce, his work-out routine, or the ugly shirt he recently bought in France. Trust me, if a woman wants to be backed into a corner, she’ll give you the vibe (and I have never emitted that vibe, even when I was single). Pick up on vibes – or the lack thereof – and act accordingly. And if you know for a fact that she’s married – get lost.

Incessant calls/texts/emails – “Please give me the minimum amount of information with the maximum amount of politeness.” This quote, by one Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis, is one that I live by. If it’s important, enlightening, or entertaining, I’ll respond. If not, I won’t. It’s that simple.

Provocative gestures/clothing – Before you do it or wear it, ask yourself: would my mother approve? Would my daughter approve? Would Beth Newman approve? If the answer is no, then don’t do it and don’t wear it. Sure, you’ll get attention for certain moves and certain outfits, but it’s the wrong kind of attention, and it only lasts a little while.

In a sense, I do feel sorry for those who come on too strongly. I know they’re missing something in their lives. But I also know that if they’d take a moment to really develop their self-awareness, and to pick up on the reactions of others, they’d be much happier, and thus attract that certain something they feel they may be lacking.

Get to know yourselves, Sweeties – that’s the first step in fabulosity.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Beth's new book, 365 Days of Fabulosity, is now available on Amazon!

Sudsy Lessons

Recently, the mother of a teen-aged girl lamented the fact that her daughter, going through ‘that phase’ has latched on to the local ‘bad boy’. ‘I guess we all went through it,’ the mom said. ‘Hmmm…’ I replied, recalling boys from my past. Though many of them could be categorized (sociopath, narcissist, closeted homosexual 1, closeted homosexual 2), I wouldn’t necessarily toss them into the snarling, brooding, anti-establishment bad-boy category.

‘Do you suppose,’ chimed in another friend, ‘that this current fascination with vampires is sending certain messages to our girls?”

THAT’S IT!!!

In my day, vampires didn’t exist.

Well, of course they did, thanks to old movies and books certain teachers forced me to read. They were not, however, as prevalent as they are today, and certainly didn’t shape my views on relationships.

Soap operas did that.

Yes, Sweeties, yours truly was and is a soap opera junkie. As much as I preach the whole ‘create your own reality’ idea, a big part of my reality includes a good old-fashioned daytime storyline, an over-the-top peek into glossy, complicated worlds so different from my own - worlds that offer a mere hint of realism, but a great deal of food for thought when it comes to analyzing people and forming relationships.

Thanks to soap operas, I learned very early on that villains can have their heroic moments, and heroes can certainly fall from time-to-time. Soap writers, at least back in my day and with my shows, proved that not everyone is either this-or-that. People, even fictional ones, are a complicated species.

The men of my soaps didn’t simper, and they sure as heck didn’t cry (well, not too often and certainly not in front of a large group of people). Some of them were only figurative blood-suckers. They were strong, gainfully (if not at times illegally) employed, and just plain interesting.

A certain element of glamour existed in my soapy teen-aged world. Everyone practiced good grooming habits. The men actually looked like men. No room existed for a greasy-haired, pasty-skinned, tattooed, low muscle-mass young man on daytime TV, and if he did make a rare appearance, he’d be killed off fairly quickly.

My, how times have changed. Those greasy-haired, pasty-skinned, tattooed, low-muscle mass young men pop up everywhere these days (television, books, music…but not soap operas – ha ha!). Girls love them. Many grown women love them (and I’m saving that topic for a future musing). Please tell me what I’m missing here!

Sadly, the daytime drama is a dying genre. Within the last two years, two long-running soaps (Guiding Light and As the World Turns) have been cancelled, and one more sits atop the chopping block (All My Children). Praise the powers-that-be who have determined that One Life to Live will live on past its ABC demise via the Internet. I’m officially hooked on OLTL – several of my favorite GL actors are now on it, and the whole Man With Todd’s Face storyline completely suckered me in (side note: I could have gone either way on that one – I like both those guys’ faces, even the one with a scar on it).

Anyhoo…

The sad fact remains: today’s 'entertainment' bombards our girls with morose and questionable fictional heartthrobs. Our girls are led to believe that they can change a bad boy (we can’t change anyone but ourselves, Sweeties. I learned that lesson a long time ago. From a soap opera). They’re not learning the complexities of human nature, nor are they learning the following: how to fake their own deaths, give birth after menopause, recover from amnesia, or run a multi-billion dollar company fresh out of high school.

But that’s just me…I could be wrong.


Beth Newman
Image consultant/life coach/author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Beth’s new book, '365 Days of Fabulosity', will be available through Amazon later this month!

July's Nutshell

Here I sit, a few days into the month of August, and I’m still reeling from some events that transpired during the month of July. As you know, I like to muse elegantly at the end of each month about lessons I’ve learned, truths I’ve discovered, new amusements, and anything else that’s caught my fancy within the last four weeks. So here goes nothing (or something, depending on your point of view):

Skyrockets in Flight – We live in a great nation, in spite of all the political drama that plagues our headlines. When we come together in a spirit of celebration, I realize that, essentially, we are all the same. We’re all connected. We live in a place where we can choose to be and do anything we wish. However, when we choose to be a line-cutter in order to score the last of the Kettle Corn, we will receive dirty looks. Prepare yourself for the fall-out should you go this route.

Waves of Clarity – For me, sitting and staring at a large body of water is necessary for my peace of mind. I’ve come to greatly depend on the Gulf of Mexico for answers (and she’s yet to let me down). When we turn off, we tune in, and it’s that inner guidance that will ultimately put us on the right path. I’m really excited about changes on the horizon.

Summer Reruns– History continues to repeat itself. No matter how much I’ve desired certain outcomes, I’ve wised up to the fact that some people simply won’t change. How sad…

We All Scream for Ice Cream – When you enjoy lunch at a favorite restaurant with a gorgeous, vivacious and incredibly sweet young woman, the management rewards you with free ice cream. Henceforth, I shall only dine out with attractive, fabulous people.

Beware of False Prophets - Enlightened, great individuals don’t have to tell others just how enlightened and great they are. They simply need to live it.

Nerd Alert – I will stop what I’m doing and forgo a night on the town just to watch a Star Wars marathon.

That is all.

Beth Newman
Image consultant, life coach, author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Peeing With Steve Martin

Years ago, Steve Martin filmed a movie in my hometown. A gentleman with whom I worked at the time had the great fortune of peeing next to Mr. Martin in the men’s room of local comedy club.

This gentleman babbled nonstop about it for three days. He spoke of it as if he’d found the cure for cancer. All excitement….like it was some sort of earth-shattering discovery.

I feel sorry for most celebrities. After all, they’re just people. But because they’re in the limelight, in some form or fashion, we pedestrians feel as if we own a little piece of them. We attend their movies, buy their music, and spend countless hours watching them on TV. As a result, we give ourselves permission to praise them, bad-mouth them, and force ourselves upon them at any given moment.

A friend of a friend once saw Tommy Lee Jones at a convenience store. She approached him, asked for a picture, and he replied that he’d rather not. She was offended, but I think Mr. Jones was perfectly fine in declining her request. Convenience stores simply aren’t, well, convenient most of the time. We’re there to get gas, buy a candy bar, and then hit the road. In and out – we usually don’t have time to take requests.

Just because one’s famous doesn’t mean he wants to be bothered.

And this is true for anyone with even the slightest bit of fame.

When I worked as a radio disc jockey, a woman attending one of my live broadcasts told me that she didn’t like my hair. She didn’t say ‘hello’, or ask how my day was going. The first thing out of her mouth was her opinion about my hair. So, how does one respond to this? Quite baffled as to how to handle the situation, I told her we were out of bumper stickers and donuts, but thanked her for stopping by anyway. We had plenty of bumper stickers and donuts, but I didn’t feel as if she deserved them after her tacky comment. Was this the right thing to do? Probably not, but I felt a little vindicated nonetheless.

Had I been a bank teller, a doctor, or a librarian, would she have done the same thing? Probably not, but then again, scores of weird, rude people roam the streets daily, so you just never know.

A lot of folks are star-struck, but I’ve never been one of them. During my stints in radio and television, I met an awful lot of famous people. Some of them were absolute gems – others, not so much. For laughs, I tell my friends about the time I interviewed a certain up-and-coming country music superstar who behaved dreadfully. He was rude, snarky, in desperate need of a shower, and definitely overstayed his welcome. After the interview, I said to my boss, ‘This guy will never amount to anything.’ A year later he was the hottest thing going, and today his music still tops the charts.

Shows you how much I know.

Anyway, I don’t tell this story in order to make him look bad – I really don’t. It was just truly one of the most uncomfortable and absurd moments in my life, so I have to share it with those who are near and dear. Trust me, I didn’t lose any sleep over it, and I’m happy that things turned out well for him.

Of course, in this age of technology, anyone can become a celebrity. We’ve YouTube stars popping up and garnering some pretty serious attention. Anyone with thoughtful or entertaining comments can gain quite a following on Twitter or Facebook.

So I guess the lesson of today’s little musing is this: we’re all basic, standard, run-of-the mill people. The movie star is no different from the maintenance man – he just makes his living a different way. Just because someone is ‘known’ does not mean that you have the right to pester him. Please respect the privacy of others and don’t paw at them. Mind your manners and speak kindly. If they’re having a private conversation with someone else, don’t interrupt them.

And let them pee in peace, why don’t you?


Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!