Teach 'Em What They Don't Know How

Sitting in a meeting with high school educators and community leaders the other day, the topic of life skills arose.  On one side, we had several who expressed dissatisfaction because too many young people, according to them, didn’t have any.  Some blamed the system, while others blamed parents.  I kept my mouth shut, for I really didn’t have a dog in this fight, and it was getting close to 5pm.  On a Monday.  Following a nice long weekend at the beach.  Remind me never to schedule a work thing the day I return from a vacation.  Anyway, getting back to the point of pointing fingers, I silently played for both teams on the issue.

As someone who’s worked in education now for almost twenty years (egad!), I’ve noticed a slight downward movement within classrooms.  There’s an awful lot of apathy amongst many educators, for myriad reasons, I’m sure:  the pressure of teaching to standardized tests, the fear of calling a kid out on bad behavior for fear of a lawsuit, the anxiety that comes with underfunded schools that have cut the arts in order to beef up security.  It’s a long list, and I empathize with the good teachers who are still out there swinging, trying to make a difference.  I say good teachers, because there are an awful lot of bad ones simply making time.  You’d think that the hoops one must jump through in order to land a job teaching would cut out the riff raff, but they don’t. 

With that kind of pressure, it’s no wonder teachers can’t schedule a lesson or two on good manners.  You know, to reinforce what’s being taught at home?

Oh, yeah, that’s right – so little of it is taught at home these days, according to others attending the meeting. I agreed with them on several – not all – points.

We have, unfortunately lost the art of thank you notes.  Looking an adult in the eye and speaking to her is long gone, too, as is the good old-fashioned handshake.  Sure, every young person I know can show me how to close the apps on my phone properly, but ask them to set the table and they’re lost.   They can communicate up a storm via text, but try to talk to them one-on-one and see where that might get you.

Other complaints from the meeting included the following:

Give a kid $20 for a $12.99 item, and he can’t make change without a calculator (neither can I, I thought)

They’re too busy looking at their phones to interact with anyone (I do that on occasion, but only when surrounded by idiots and thumping bores)

They can’t eyeball measurements for recipes (that’s why God gave us measuring cups, lady).

They can’t figure the circumference of a room (Mister, is this really keeping you awake at night? Really?)

Their music is too loud (my parents voiced the same complaint against me in the 80’s …this is a generational thing, and had absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand.  This was merely some yahoo desperate to throw in, unaware that I had a pile of laundry and a glass of wine to get home to.  Jerk.)

Sure, I’d like to see young people better behaved, and I’m happy to report that I personally know a number of young people who do understand the importance of saying and doing the right thing. They may not know how to make change or convert measurements, but those sorts of things don’t matter in my world.  Sure, their mannerly efforts may not be implemented with the greatest finesse, but at least they’re trying.  Some of them have fantastic support from their homes and their schools, while others do not.  I truly believe it’s a crapshoot as to who will make it and who won’t.  The ones who are making it seem to share a couple of common traits, though:   the right attitude and the desire to succeed. 

Perhaps if we recognized them a little more, and turned a blind eye to the others, things might actually turn out okay for us all.  Additionally, if we offered better examples of courtesy and how to host snazzy, classy parties, we might not have to say to them, “This is how you do it.”  They’re smart, these young people, and incredibly savvy.  They’d figure it out, eventually, I’m sure.

TCB, Baby

Somebody Should Really Do Something About All of the Problems!

So read a headline in The Onion a few years back.  I chuckled at that one before I even dove into the faux article.  I’ve known people all my life ready and willing to complain, but rarely stepping up to help.  I never got it – I was always wired to jump in and take care of business.   That’s how my parents did things.  They knew how to ‘make it work’ long before Tim Gunn coined the phrase on Project Runway.

As I do my best to preach the gospel of fabulosity, I must remind you, Sweeties, that a little TCB makes a mighty big difference.  One will never be fabulous if she’s willing to sit by and let others do the grunt work.  She loses points if she complains while others are ‘gittin’ it done’ (geesh – I’ve resorted to quoting Larry the Cable Guy.  How desperate am I to make my point?), and she should be smacked upside the head with a pink feather boa if she fails to say ‘thank you’ when the job is done.

And it doesn’t matter the task at hand.  In many cases, one can easily make arrangements for proper health care for an elderly relative in the same amount of time it takes to unload the dishwasher and vacuum the floor.  Of course, situations exist that will take more time.  My advice is to start chipping away at these immediately, before you end up with a full-fledged mess on your hands. 

I’d also like to remind you, too, that your attitude while pitching in determines just how fabulous others shall perceive you.  When we start moaning and groaning, we’re not going about it in the right spirit.  We’ll only reap blessings when we give our time, money, talents, expertise, etc. with a glad heart.

So if you’ve ever complained about the way in which something has ever been handled, put your money where your mouth is and start contributing to the greater good.  If you’ve ever approached someone with the phrase, ‘You need to tell so-and-so to…” you should really think about what type of person doesn’t have the onions to go directly to so-and-so.  So-and-so could very well have a full plate in front of her, and might certainly appreciate a break from you.

If there is a problem

Yo, I’ll solve it…

Yikes!  I’m now quoting Vanilla Ice.   Do you see the depths in which I’m sinking regarding today’s topic?

Go out there and just be fabulous.  Stop whining, and exceed expectations in all that you do.  Is this really too much to ask?

Beth Newman

www.newmanimage.info

Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!  Be sure to catch Beth’s show, ‘The Fabulosity Factor’ this Wednesday at 10am CST on BlogTalk Radio.

Peeing With Steve Martin

Years ago, Steve Martin filmed a movie in my hometown. A gentleman with whom I worked at the time had the great fortune of peeing next to Mr. Martin in the men’s room of local comedy club.

This gentleman babbled nonstop about it for three days. He spoke of it as if he’d found the cure for cancer. All excitement….like it was some sort of earth-shattering discovery.

I feel sorry for most celebrities. After all, they’re just people. But because they’re in the limelight, in some form or fashion, we pedestrians feel as if we own a little piece of them. We attend their movies, buy their music, and spend countless hours watching them on TV. As a result, we give ourselves permission to praise them, bad-mouth them, and force ourselves upon them at any given moment.

A friend of a friend once saw Tommy Lee Jones at a convenience store. She approached him, asked for a picture, and he replied that he’d rather not. She was offended, but I think Mr. Jones was perfectly fine in declining her request. Convenience stores simply aren’t, well, convenient most of the time. We’re there to get gas, buy a candy bar, and then hit the road. In and out – we usually don’t have time to take requests.

Just because one’s famous doesn’t mean he wants to be bothered.

And this is true for anyone with even the slightest bit of fame.

When I worked as a radio disc jockey, a woman attending one of my live broadcasts told me that she didn’t like my hair. She didn’t say ‘hello’, or ask how my day was going. The first thing out of her mouth was her opinion about my hair. So, how does one respond to this? Quite baffled as to how to handle the situation, I told her we were out of bumper stickers and donuts, but thanked her for stopping by anyway. We had plenty of bumper stickers and donuts, but I didn’t feel as if she deserved them after her tacky comment. Was this the right thing to do? Probably not, but I felt a little vindicated nonetheless.

Had I been a bank teller, a doctor, or a librarian, would she have done the same thing? Probably not, but then again, scores of weird, rude people roam the streets daily, so you just never know.

A lot of folks are star-struck, but I’ve never been one of them. During my stints in radio and television, I met an awful lot of famous people. Some of them were absolute gems – others, not so much. For laughs, I tell my friends about the time I interviewed a certain up-and-coming country music superstar who behaved dreadfully. He was rude, snarky, in desperate need of a shower, and definitely overstayed his welcome. After the interview, I said to my boss, ‘This guy will never amount to anything.’ A year later he was the hottest thing going, and today his music still tops the charts.

Shows you how much I know.

Anyway, I don’t tell this story in order to make him look bad – I really don’t. It was just truly one of the most uncomfortable and absurd moments in my life, so I have to share it with those who are near and dear. Trust me, I didn’t lose any sleep over it, and I’m happy that things turned out well for him.

Of course, in this age of technology, anyone can become a celebrity. We’ve YouTube stars popping up and garnering some pretty serious attention. Anyone with thoughtful or entertaining comments can gain quite a following on Twitter or Facebook.

So I guess the lesson of today’s little musing is this: we’re all basic, standard, run-of-the mill people. The movie star is no different from the maintenance man – he just makes his living a different way. Just because someone is ‘known’ does not mean that you have the right to pester him. Please respect the privacy of others and don’t paw at them. Mind your manners and speak kindly. If they’re having a private conversation with someone else, don’t interrupt them.

And let them pee in peace, why don’t you?


Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Somebody's Watching

A while back, the headmaster of the school where I taught for so many years forwarded to me an essay written by one of his students. Entitled My Most Mannered Teacher, it was about yours truly. This essay detailed the reasons why she felt I deserved kudos for displaying good manners, for treating everyone kindly, and such. I never had this child as a student. She was a little bitty thing in the elementary department, and I was upstairs with my middle school students. I had very little interaction with this young woman, so you can imagine my surprise when I read her essay.

I’m not relating this to you in order to brag, for I feel there are others at this school more deserving of this praise than I. I’m simply hoping to covey just how those little things we do add up, and to stress that someone, somewhere, is watching.

Sure, we can spend all day long telling kids (and adults, too, for that matter) just what to do. But when the rubber hits the road, it’s our actions that will have a far greater impact on them.

We stress to them the importance of speaking highly of others, then turn around and gossip about our neighbor. We tell them to treat others respectfully while we rudely disregard our spouse. We encourage them to have faith during challenging times, then panic or throw a tantrum when things don’t go our way.

Actions speak louder than words –an oldie but a goody, and a cliché that exists for a reason.

So remember, Sweeties, people do remember what you did, and how you made them feel. Your actions could very easily impact someone’s life. You may be someone’s role model. Keep that in mind the next time you’re tempted to forget your manners.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Online consultations available!

The Foundation of Fabulosity

Well, Sweeties, we’re one week into the New Year. Many of us still buzz about, excited about the wondrous possibilities that 2011 will bring; others of us have already thrown in the towel regarding our recently-set goals (or resolutions, as some call them). I encourage you to take some time, if you’ve not already done so, to really think about the foundation you’re building with regard to success this year. Every thought we think, every action we perform, every word that we utter takes us one step further toward reaching our goals….or not. That’s why we must remain vigilant, keeping our ‘eye on the prize’, so to speak, in order to accomplish anything worthy this year. And me being me, I’ve got a few little elegant ideas to help you kick-start your journey as you build your fabulosity foundation:

1. Decide What You Really Want – None of us will reach a destination if we’ve no idea where we’re going. I encourage you to rise above the status quo and set some lofty goals for yourself. Make them specific (change I want to lose a little weight this year to I want to lose 15 lbs by April 1. Change I want to get more rest to I refuse to work on Sundays this year and will commit myself to getting at least 8 hours of sleep every night). Specificity, my friends, is the key to achieving any sort of success for ourselves.

2. Buy a Full-Length Mirror – There’s no way we can ooze confidence and success if we look like a train wreck. Your outer image does matter in all that you do (stop laughing – it’s true!). If you look like a happy and successful individual, people will assume that you are, and will be drawn to you, thus opening new doors that will lead to new opportunities for you. With that in mind, please know that, in my humble opinion, successful people do not wear any of the following: track suits (other than to the gym), crocs, too-tight or too-revealing anything, or an oversized anything. The first thing people notice is, of course, how we look – keep that in mind the next time you’re tempted to wear pajama bottoms to Starbuck’s.

3. Schedule Down-Time – A period of rest is vital to our overall well-being. So is a period of play. Don’t let work, chores, or half-hearted obligations overrun your schedule. You are in charge of your life, so make it work for you!

4. Turn off the TV – I’ve said it before, and I stand by it: the media has inundated our society with too much news, too much garbage in the guise of entertainment, and too many negative messages. Fill your mind – and your soul- by choosing only to view, read, and listen to those things which are positive, uplifting, and enjoyable. All of it makes its way into our subconscious.

5. Remember the Ripple Effect – Smile at the girl behind the counter. Take a moment to sincerely thank your waiter. Generously tip the man who washes your car. You’ll find that these little niceties go an awfully long way. The recipient of your kindness will, in turn, pay that kindness forward simply because you’ve made his day.

Darlings, it’s the little things that matter. We must consciously choose to be a little more fabulous than the day we were before. Look at yourself in the mirror each day and say, “I am fabulous”. Hit your knees each night and thank your lucky stars for every blessing, no matter how big or small, that befell you that day. You’ll eventually find that you’ve built yourself quite a sturdy foundation of fabulosity.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!
online consultations available!

Respect

I once attended an awards luncheon in which a presenter, frustrated by the audience’s whispered mumbles and occasional cell phone beeps, raised her voice and curtly asked, “Could I get your respect, please?”

She didn’t receive our respect that day. She did, however, manage to silence the crowd with that question, but as far as garnering any venerability, I can safely tell you she did not.

Now, don’t get me wrong. One of my pet peeves is a noisy audience, but I’ve attended plenty of functions and know that there are better ways in which to settle a crowd.

I learned a long time ago that those who ask for respect are generally the ones who don’t deserve it. Certain people feel entitled to it because of their job, their economic status, or the art they create. They hide behind the façade of particular titles, letting those titles define who they are.

I don’t respect the manager who loses his temper and belittles his employee. I respect the employee who continues to plug away at the job, pleased with the product she creates, refusing to let the manager’s harsh words affect her.

I don’t respect the group of wealthy, suburban soccer moms who allow their children to wreak havoc in restaurants following a game. I respect the busboy who cleans up after them.

I don’t respect the performer who becomes angry when the audience doesn’t “get” the message he’s trying to convey. I respect the performer who gives it his all every night and is grateful for his audience and for the opportunity to perform.

No one is entitled to respect. Everyone has the opportunity to deserve it, though.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Graceful Gestures

A beautiful gesture is really a very rare thing – Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis

I fear our society has evolved into an extremely self-centered one. In these days of online networks and reality TV, everyone can claim celebrity. Oftentimes with celebrity comes an inflated ego, which can ultimately lead to forgetting everything Mama said about good manners.

Graciousness, perhaps, is becoming a thing of the past, and that’s truly a shame.

What many people don’t recognize is that exuding grace really sets us apart from the herd today. The gal who asks polite questions is far more interesting than the one who constantly runs her mouth, repeating the words me and I at lightning speed.

The winds may be changing, however; I’ve encountered several women recently who are tired of all the noise and rudeness, and want to know what they can do to make a difference, to perhaps go back to an era when wearing phrases across one’s backside was unacceptable.

They ask, so I offer two bits of advice:

1. Drop your ego at the door
It mustn’t always be about you, dear (and even if you feel it should, at least pretend that it’s not). Ask questions. Learn people’s names. Don’t prattle on incessantly (when the person you’re prattling on to becomes glassy-eyed, you know you’ve gone too far), and for heaven’s sakes, don’t make your conversation sound like a resume. If you’ve nothing pertinent or intelligent to add to the conversation, it’s far better to say nothing. No one will assume you’re an idiot; if anything, you’ll develop a bit of mystique. Remember that old saying about still waters……

2. Never, ever become an Interchangeable Woman (a phrase I snagged from writers Shelly Branch and Sue Callaway)
I’ve mused elegantly before about the IW. In case you’ve forgotten, she’s the gal who looks like every other gal these days: a trend-follower who perhaps has adopted the porno-chic look that so many have adopted these days. She might like to refer to herself as a diva. Some IW’s may even realize their outrageous behavior and assume others find it endearing. Trust me – they don’t.

Adopting a more graceful way of life isn’t that hard, really. It’s about enjoying life simply yet fully (so sorry to disappoint, but there is no ‘big bang’ that happens in life that will make one happy – one has to discover happiness on her own). It’s about following that old, clichéd, Golden Rule. It’s about treating ourselves, and others, with respect, and there's no greater gesture than that.

Beth Newman
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and live your absolute best!