A Sensitive Issue

Feelings....nothing more than feelings....

I think the worst thing anyone could say to another human being is, "You shouldn't feel that way."  "You shouldn't act that way," "you shouldn't dress that way," and "you should get out of my way" are acceptable suggestions when the appropriate opportunity strikes; however, feelings are highly personal, and I think when you encourage someone to put the kibosh on hers, you could very well be contributing to her emotional downfall.  

It boils down to sensitivity - something our society seems to lack these days.

Think about it:  when we ask, "how are you?" we don't really expect a response. On the rare occasion we get one, we're caught off guard.  Personally, I never tell anyone how I'm really doing, mainly because I so seldom get the chance to do so, and besides I'm not one to open up too much.  They don't call me "Close to the Vest Newman" for nothing (nobody calls me that - I'm just making stuff up at this point).

Anyhow, I think the vast majority of us could do with some serious sensitivity training - all the 'do unto others' ideals we were taught in Sunday School yet have forgotten over time.  If we really paused before speaking and attempted to place ourselves in another's position, we'd a) avoid hurting someone, and b) avoid making a complete and utter ass out of ourselves.  Of course, with that being said, I think many of us have become highly sensitive to things that simply don't matter in the grand scheme of things.  They include but are not limited to:

-politics
-religion
-money
-celebrities
-sports
-music

As far as sensitivity goes, the only things we should be sensitive about are:
-family
-children in need
-the ill and the old
-animals
-insuring everyone gets an equal chance no matter his race, culture, gender, or sexual orientation

Put yourself in someone else's shoes, Brother - you've no idea what they may be going through.  Think before you speak.  Listen more than you speak.  And if you're one of the quiet, sensitive ones who feels as if you may absolutely lose your shit at some point, do it and do it in a big way. Get it out. Make it one of the epic events of your life.  Make it so that generations to follow will tell stories of 'The time Aunt Sheila lost it and went off on everyone at Christmas'. I personally can't wait to reach the point in which I'll actually throw a drink in someone's face.  


All kidding aside, if you are one of the highly sensitive in a world of blundering oblivions, seek an outlet.  I recommend some sort of spiritual counseling because it helps cover all the bases (at least it does for me).  Go with what works best for you, though, and remember - what goes around comes around.

The meek shall inherit the earth.

That's Amore

They resembled those couples you see on TV commercials, the ones that promote life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness all thanks to a little pill.  Should your quest for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness last longer than four hours, you should seek medical help immediately.  Of course, I had no choice but to take an immediate dislike to them.

It happened at a restaurant that Mr. Newman and I enjoy on a regular basis.  It promotes a special each week called ‘Amore Monday’ – three courses at incredibly discounted prices.  Our couple in question, however, took the term literally, for such displays of PDA I hadn’t seen since I cancelled our Cinemax subscription years ago.

They sat on the same side of the booth, and had she’d been any closer to him, she would have been behind him.  Roaming hands, repeated kisses – it was quite a show, but not in a good way.  I (almost) couldn’t finish my manicotti, and you can forget about me focusing on any sort of dinner conversation with my better half.  It had been a while since we’d been to dinner and a show, and even though it was a horror show, we couldn’t wait for the next act.

He whispered something in her ear, and she chuckled in between gulps of beer that she swigged straight out of the bottle.  Okay, so maybe they weren’t exact replicas of the happy couples in those commercials.

Their check arrived and a dispute with their waiter followed.  Perhaps what they ordered hadn’t actually been part of the ‘Amore Monday’ special.  Perhaps she only drank four beers but was charged for five.  Or maybe the restaurant charged them a ‘Get a Room Because You’re Grossing Out the Other Patrons Fee’ that’s not noted on the menu. 

I don’t know how the disagreement was settled because dessert arrived, and this place makes a butter cake that you would not believe, Gentle Reader.  It’s a pretty presentation, too, or it was until Mr. Newman helped himself to a bite, knocked it on its side, and smeared the fruit topping all over the plate. 

Anyway, by the time I’d regained my composure over blatant cake abuse, the couple had left.  I’m assuming together, but you never know about these things now, do you?

On the drive home, I pondered their story.  Could they have been celebrating an anniversary?  Could they have rekindled a spark that had disappeared for a while?  Were they bonding over a happy or tragic situation? 

My guess, though, is that they were simply hammered.

Mean Women

We hear so much these days about the Mean Girl Epidemic spreading throughout our middle and high schools.  I even hear stories of it occurring in elementary schools.  It’s bad, for sure, and takes an awful lot of diligence on the part of adults to keep it at bay.  We encourage our girls to do the right thing and to live by a strong moral code.  What happens, though, when the Mean Girls turn out to be adult women?  We don’t hear too much about it, but I can assure you that it’s alive and well within our society.

Growing up, yours truly was the target of some Mean Girl (and Mean Boy, for that matter) behavior.  Socially awkward and painfully shy, I was an easy target, I suppose.  It took years for me to come to terms with that cruelty, but come to terms I did, and it’s made me the woman I am today. I’m not sharing this with you to conjure up any sympathy, but to prove a point:  we can all overcome it.   I’ve built my life’s work around it, in fact:  I don’t want any little girl to endure what I endured.  I want every little girl to know she’s special, she’s competent, and that she matters.  I want to provide her with tools for ignoring the Mean Girls, tools she may very well need when encountering any Mean Women in her future.

Because I’d already ‘been there, done that’ with regard to the Mean Girls, I confess I took very little notice of it occurring amongst alleged-grown-ups. I guess at one point I was downright naïve to its very existence.   I’m aware of it now, and have come to following conclusions:

Mean Women Operate Out of Fear –Disrespect and ugliness towards others stems from a fear of not being accepted ourselves.   We channel this fear into the very thing we don’t want:  to be forgotten, or to be seen as ‘less-than’.  We fear it happening to us, so we’ll beat it to the punch by inflicting it on someone else.  How sad…

Mean Women Operate Out of Self-Loathing – I challenge anyone to find a Mean Girl or Mean Woman who truly likes herself.  Without self-love, there is no love.  It all starts from within. Plain and simple.

Mean Women Operate Out of Immaturity – Perhaps they weren’t indulged or encouraged enough as children.  Perhaps they were overly-indulged or overly-encouraged as children.  Who knows?  But something happened along the way to keep these women from growing up and contributing positively to society. 

Mean Women Operate Out of Jealousy – Strong women, beautiful women, happy women, and successful women are often targeted by Mean Women.  Instead of celebrating these women, they go to great lengths to tear them down.  They exclude.  They gossip.  They lie.  These are the things that get a Mean Girl into trouble at school.  Unfortunately, you can’t send a Mean Woman to the principal’s office.

I could go on, but I’d like to move along to another topic, one that I’ve written about many times:  living by example.  We cannot expect our daughters, nieces, or students to be nice girls if we’re not living nicely ourselves.  The old cliché of the apple not falling far from the tree is true, I believe.  We must take a good, hard look at ourselves and our motives, for they greatly affect our children.  If we want our future generation to live in a society of love, kindness, compassion and respect, we must put those concepts into practice – always.

I personally know a few Mean Women – women who are mothers, teachers, and leaders in my community.  I implore anyone remotely responsible for the well-being and guidance of children, particularly girls, to think and live on a higher level.  Get over what you need to get over and start playing nicely.  Come from a place of compassion and integrity – this will serve you well.

And for anyone who’s ever suffered at the hands of a Mean Girl or Mean Woman, take heart:  set your sights on fabulosity and you’ll do just fine.  It’s easy to ignore their comments when you know you’re doing the right thing.  Surround yourself with decent, positive people who have the greater good in mind.  Strive for excellence in all that you do.  Find inspiration wherever you can get it.  They say that living well is the best revenge.  Based on my own experiences, I know this to be true.

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

Beth’s books, Become a First Style Fashionista and 365 Days of Fabulosity, are available through Amazon.

Sudsy Lessons

Recently, the mother of a teen-aged girl lamented the fact that her daughter, going through ‘that phase’ has latched on to the local ‘bad boy’. ‘I guess we all went through it,’ the mom said. ‘Hmmm…’ I replied, recalling boys from my past. Though many of them could be categorized (sociopath, narcissist, closeted homosexual 1, closeted homosexual 2), I wouldn’t necessarily toss them into the snarling, brooding, anti-establishment bad-boy category.

‘Do you suppose,’ chimed in another friend, ‘that this current fascination with vampires is sending certain messages to our girls?”

THAT’S IT!!!

In my day, vampires didn’t exist.

Well, of course they did, thanks to old movies and books certain teachers forced me to read. They were not, however, as prevalent as they are today, and certainly didn’t shape my views on relationships.

Soap operas did that.

Yes, Sweeties, yours truly was and is a soap opera junkie. As much as I preach the whole ‘create your own reality’ idea, a big part of my reality includes a good old-fashioned daytime storyline, an over-the-top peek into glossy, complicated worlds so different from my own - worlds that offer a mere hint of realism, but a great deal of food for thought when it comes to analyzing people and forming relationships.

Thanks to soap operas, I learned very early on that villains can have their heroic moments, and heroes can certainly fall from time-to-time. Soap writers, at least back in my day and with my shows, proved that not everyone is either this-or-that. People, even fictional ones, are a complicated species.

The men of my soaps didn’t simper, and they sure as heck didn’t cry (well, not too often and certainly not in front of a large group of people). Some of them were only figurative blood-suckers. They were strong, gainfully (if not at times illegally) employed, and just plain interesting.

A certain element of glamour existed in my soapy teen-aged world. Everyone practiced good grooming habits. The men actually looked like men. No room existed for a greasy-haired, pasty-skinned, tattooed, low muscle-mass young man on daytime TV, and if he did make a rare appearance, he’d be killed off fairly quickly.

My, how times have changed. Those greasy-haired, pasty-skinned, tattooed, low-muscle mass young men pop up everywhere these days (television, books, music…but not soap operas – ha ha!). Girls love them. Many grown women love them (and I’m saving that topic for a future musing). Please tell me what I’m missing here!

Sadly, the daytime drama is a dying genre. Within the last two years, two long-running soaps (Guiding Light and As the World Turns) have been cancelled, and one more sits atop the chopping block (All My Children). Praise the powers-that-be who have determined that One Life to Live will live on past its ABC demise via the Internet. I’m officially hooked on OLTL – several of my favorite GL actors are now on it, and the whole Man With Todd’s Face storyline completely suckered me in (side note: I could have gone either way on that one – I like both those guys’ faces, even the one with a scar on it).

Anyhoo…

The sad fact remains: today’s 'entertainment' bombards our girls with morose and questionable fictional heartthrobs. Our girls are led to believe that they can change a bad boy (we can’t change anyone but ourselves, Sweeties. I learned that lesson a long time ago. From a soap opera). They’re not learning the complexities of human nature, nor are they learning the following: how to fake their own deaths, give birth after menopause, recover from amnesia, or run a multi-billion dollar company fresh out of high school.

But that’s just me…I could be wrong.


Beth Newman
Image consultant/life coach/author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Beth’s new book, '365 Days of Fabulosity', will be available through Amazon later this month!

Loyalty

I had no intention of addressing the subject of loyalty today, but, for myriad reasons, I’m compelled to do so. Loyalty – a vitally important concept that simply isn’t put into practice enough these days.

Our society, I fear, can only be described as a disposable one. Many folks are far too concerned about ‘the next big thing’ without really taking a moment to appreciate what they already possess. It occurs in relationships and in businesses. It happens because we pretend to have some fantastic, pie-in-the-sky vision of how things should be, rather than nurturing those things that currently are. Oftentimes, ego gets in the way. Sometimes it’s due to boredom. Other times, it’s the quest for the almighty dollar. In the end, though, it simply boils down to the ‘what’s in it for me?’ mentality that is overly-acknowledged and seemingly celebrated in our culture.

Case in Point 1: A woman was recently fired from her job of 10 years due to ‘restructuring of her department’. Truth be told, a friend of the boss wanted a gig within the company, and the only way to make this happen was to squeeze this woman out. Where’s the loyalty for those years of service? Had there been an issue with the woman’s job performance, should it not have been addressed? (And her performance reviews indicated that no such issue existed, by the way.) Isn’t it the boss’s job to nurture those whom he feels may not be up for the task, rather than merely cutting that someone off so abruptly?

Case in Point 2: A young wife discovers that marriage to a man who adores her isn’t quite how she envisioned it. Following the fairy-tale wedding, reality set in. She took up with someone new, devastating her husband. She made a commitment, yet felt no obligation to fulfill it. You may call it flight-of-fancy if you’d like, but it’s purely an act of disloyalty to make a promise to someone and not see it through. It’s unfair not to express any concerns or misgivings one may have and to simply abandon ship just because one feels like it. You made a vow to your significant other, and you owe him or her the opportunity to hash out any problems before leaving.

Case in Point 3: The higher-ups at one office encouraged its employees to stick it out in spite of air-conditioning gone kaput - for several days at once. In triple digit heat, the bosses expected the staff to stay and remain productive. Working from home was simply not an option. Not only does this make poor business sense to me, but I feel it’s a right-out health risk to the employees, and certainly not a morale-booster by any stretch of the imagination. Where’s the concern for their well-being? Where’s the loyalty and commitment to insuring that these workers remain happy, thus leading them to greater productivity in the long run?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t believe anyone or any business should subject themselves to misery and unproductive practices. I do feel, however, that we owe it to ourselves and to one another to at least try to work toward a positive solution. We must remain mindful of the big picture and ask ourselves the following questions: have the people we’re dealing with regularly proven themselves to be loyal and committed to our particular cause? Have we taken the time to help them when they may fall short of our expectations? Are our motives for doing what we do honest and of the highest standards? Do we practice the loyalty we seek?

Loyalty, ultimately, shall reap rewards. Perhaps not anytime soon, but that is why we must practice patience and faith. As a true believer in karma, I know all good deeds, including loyalty, result in multiplied blessings. Lack of loyalty, too, shall be recognized….but not quite so positively. Keep this in mind when you begin to experience disloyal leanings…..

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

If you feel lead to do so, I cordially invite you to check out the Elegant Fund. Proceeds benefit Girls, Inc., an organization that encourages girls to be strong, smart, and bold! http://www.newmanimage.info/Elegant.html

May's Nutshell

Hello, Sweeties! I’m just sitting here, sipping my third cup of coffee, and reflecting on the life lessons brought to me by the month of May:

Spend Time With Old People – they won’t always be around, and no matter how much you think you know, you can still learn something from them.

Get Over It, Beth Newman – As much as I try to let go, I still find myself quite disheartened by the downfall of what was once a very special place to me. Apathy has virtually destroyed something for which I worked extremely hard. I take comfort, however, that I’ve made life-long, positive connections with those who were with me during this entity’s heyday, and I recall proudly that, once upon a time, this entity was a very special place.


Revelations – Should you feel compelled to show pictures of your lovely wife to a virtual stranger, do insure that nude photos of yourself are not included in the mix. Count yourself lucky, too, that the woman with whom you shared those photos doesn’t name names in a certain little elegant blog she writes.

Awkward discoveries – you may learn that someone from your present life has a negative connection to someone from your past. It’s best to come clean about how you fit into this picture (no matter how insignificantly), and insure both parties that you don’t have a dog in their fight. (Note to self: get this done ASAP)

Here and Now – you are where you are right now for a reason. The people in your life right now are here for a reason. Always show yourself to be classy, comforting, and supportive. You may, in fact, change their lives by doing so.

Bi-Lingual – When one uses Google translator to insure that her cleaning lady completely understands requests, one must prepare herself for the fact that the cleaning lady will, in turn, leave detailed notes – in Spanish, for her. Time to order Rosetta Stone, I think.

Hollywood Tragedy – I was quite saddened to learn about the death of actor Jeff Conaway, who portrayed Kenickie in the iconic film, Grease (just like every girl who grew up in the 70s ad 80s, I’ve seen Grease dozens of times). His struggles with addiction were, of course, noted in the tabloids, and I rooted for his recovery (as I do with anyone who deals with any sort of struggle, whether publicly or privately). I hope he’s found peace, and I shall always recall fondly these wise words: A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card…..

And that concludes my month. Cheers, Sweeties!

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

ps...If you've enjoyed this little musing, I invite you to contribute to the Elegant Fund. Proceeds benefit Girls, Inc., an organization that inspires girls to be strong, smart, and bold. Details at http://www.newmanimage.info/Elegant.html.

Garbage In, Garbage Out

You may recall several years ago when Oprah Winfrey stopped airing shows that dealt with the usual day-time talk show fare. Oprah’s smart. She realized the old concept of Garbage In, Garbage Out – what we put into a heads and hearts will surely manifest itself into our daily existence.

A few years back, I found myself in a dark place. I knew I needed to make changes, but I’d built a wall around me so thick that it took a serious Come to Jesus Moment for me to realize just how far I'd gone. Ready for peace, I began taking desperate measures to restore my well-being: I turned off the TV (e-gad!). I stopped reading dumb chick books. I tuned out a lot of music. Best decision I’ve ever made, my friends.

I don’t think we realize how much junk enters our subconscious minds on a daily basis. When we fill our minds with garbage (our own or someone else’s), it truly does play a role in how we feel each day. You can’t feel fabulous in a garbage bin.

In order to establish real relationships (and that includes the one we have with ourselves) we simply have to turn off the noise and start filling our minds with ideas and concepts that will positively serve us. We have to reach out to others in kindness; our goal must be to uplift and enlighten others. What goes around comes around…and that includes everything we say, do, and post on social networking sites. Keep that in mind the next time you feel like going off on a rant…you may feel better, temporarily, but you’ve heaped a huge amount of garbage on someone else (or, at the very least, you’ve forced them to block you from their newsfeed).

Because we live in such a negative society, unfortunately, it’s hard to find sources that nurture us rather than torture us. So I’ve taken the liberty of scouting out a few sites that I hope will provide you with excellent ways in which to occupy your time:

http://www.jackcanfield.com/articles.html
http://www.enlightennext.org/magazine/current/
http://www.contacttalkradio.com/hosts/carimurphy.html
http://www.drwaynedyer.com/daily-inspiration
http://www.joelosteen.com/Broadcast/VideoStreaming/Pages/VideoStreaming.aspx

I also encourage you to remain vigilant about with whom you spend your time. If you don’t feel good around them, get away from them. It really is that simple.

Garbage In Garbage Out – remember that, my friends, and insure you do your absolute best to shield yourself from the junk.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant, Life Coach, Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!
Online consultations available!

The Sidewalk

A true tragedy occurred in my little corner of the world recently. Without going into too much detail, a troubled young man is no longer with us. I saw this young man frequently, we chatted occasionally, and that was the extent of our relationship. I witnessed authorities remove his lifeless body from his parents’ home, and it’s had me thinking an awful lot about life…how we spend it, with whom we spend it, and how much of it is caught up in idleness and unproductive behaviors.

It’s caused me to review how I while away my hours. I know I tend to spin my wheels and focus on business far too much. I’ll burn myself out on it completely– physically, emotionally, and spiritually -if I’m not careful. I need a hobby…a daily diversion…a little outlet, if you will, in order to wind down from the day-to-day.

That, of course, leads me to the whole ‘life balance’ issue: have I been diligent in forming true bonds with people? Do I follow-up as well as I could with family and friends? Truth be told, I’m terribly shy and guarded, and I often go on the assumption that my family and friends know how much I care about them. That old cliché of action speaking louder than words exists for a reason….

I suppose this young man’s death opened my eyes a little bit, and it certainly has forced me to take stock in my own life. I need to reach out a bit more. I need to slow down. I need to become more aware that someone who shares a sidewalk with me might be in the market for a bigger smile as we head to our cars each morning, or a little more conversation at the mailbox each evening.

Because, really, when it gets down to it, life is about making those true connections. We should never leave anyone wondering how we feel about them. We should never get so caught up in ourselves that we miss out on true, meaningful, life experiences. Simple concepts, really, but ones we don’t adhere to as often as we should. I intend to change that about myself; how about you?

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!
www.newmanimage.info

My New Friend

I met the most fascinating woman this week.

Our introduction occurred in a clothing boutique. I struggled to determine her age (it’s impolite to ask, you know). Twenties, a very good thirty-ish…I couldn’t figure it out, and of course, it didn’t really matter. We began chatting, and I found myself totally in awe of her. She’s tall, with the most beautiful, unruly head of hair I’ve ever seen. Her deep, smoky voice rarely rises above a whisper. She revealed very little about herself. Originally from New England, she made her way to Texas last year because she felt ‘it would be best’. I don’t like to pry, but I confess I could not wait to hear her story, because I knew it would be absolutely delicious.

Randomly, she asked about my posture. I told her that standing up straight was merely a habit, and anyone could do it. “I want you to help me,” she said, “feel free to physically straighten me up anytime you see me slouching.” There’s no small talk with her; she gazes into your eyes intensely, asking questions, and really wanting to know things about you.

She has no car (not even a drivers’ license), and lives ‘with a few people’. “I like to work,” she said. “When I’m not working I’m at home. I have no family here. What else am I going to do?”

By this time, I’m bursting with intrigue. Her mysterious aura mesmerized me. I want to know everything I can about her!

“Have you read The Secret?” she asked. Of course, I have. “What about The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success?” I explained to her that Chopra’s little guide was the one that got me started on my journey toward enlightenment. “Me, too….yeah, me too….” She responded dreamily.

All I could gather from our first conversation was this: she’s smart – almost ‘scary smart’. She’s taking steps toward finding out ‘what it’s all about’ (her words). She’s been in some trouble that’s separated her from her family. She doesn’t party, because she’s ‘done with that scene.’

And here’s the kicker: she’s only 18-years-old.

She carries with her such presence, such mystique, and such confidence that I naturally assumed her to be older. She possesses that certain something that a few women spend a lifetime seeking. She’s not interested in figuratively purging herself as so many are. In a day in which anything goes, she’s guarded enough to keep others coming back for more – a breath of fresh air, to be sure.

We’ve talked every day this week. She asked me if I might serve as ‘a bit of a mother figure – nothing heavy’ for her, since her own mom is so far away. Having no children of my own, this is the sort of request that really gets you right where you live.

I’ve often heard about old souls, and I know I’ve met a few of them in my life, but none has fascinated me more than this young woman. A kinship between us already exists – one that I cannot explain. And I look so forward to seeing where this ride may lead.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!
Online consultations available!

Peace Comes

Peace comes with doing the right thing. Peace comes when one knows she’s made the right decision. Peace comes with self-knowledge, self-love, and self-respect.

We feel it when we’ve successfully fought the good fight. We feel it when we when we finally become detached to an outcome and are simply content to be. We feel it when we put fears aside and follow our dreams…our passions.

Peace and abundant living go hand-in-hand. It’s a choice – we can choose to learn about and love ourselves. We can choose fulfillment over drudgery. We can choose to surround ourselves with positive people and experience their positive energy.

We have unlimited potential, and we have power. We realize that potential, we tap into that power….and peace comes.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Catty Behavior

An incident occurred in the Newman house last night.

As I walked through my office, my handsome boy, Kramer, snuck in underneath me and I accidentally stepped on his paw. He yelped in that sad, angry way that cats do when these things happen. From out of nowhere our little princess, Tallulah Belle appeared, wide-eyed and ready to take some sort of action. She gave me an almost guttural mew – the one she saves for stray cats who visit our patio. Then, she lunged toward Kramer, attempting to bite him.

I assured her all was well, and eventually the three of us made up. It got me thinking, though, about how we as humans tend to resort to an almost animal-like instinct when we’re confused or frightened.

Tallulah Belle could not fully understand the situation – that’s just the way cats are wired. She was merely reacting from her gut. We’re rational beings, however, with the capacity for assessment and we have the power to choose our reactions to problematic situations. Oftentimes we don’t utilize this power. We choose to react negatively and lash out toward those we love without understanding that it’s completely within our control to handle life’s bumps with grace and dignity.

I encourage you today to really think about the challenges you face and to consider your actions carefully before striking out the way Tallulah Belle did. She can’t help her reactions, but we can surely take possession of ours.


Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

A Happy Sort of Relationship

An acquaintance recently told me that February is the ‘month of love’. I innocently asked, “Shouldn’t every month be one of love?” She glowered at me as if I’d coughed up a hair ball. It got me thinking, though, about love, relationships, significant others, and so forth, and made me realize just how easy it is for people to place extremely high expectations on their beloved, and how easy it is for them to display an incredible amount of disrespect toward him or her.

So, I’ve devised a little list of helpful hints for insuring a positive and loving relationship with your honey:

1. Look the part – It pains me to witness someone who uses marriage as an excuse to let herself go. That special someone deserves to see you at your best, even during those lovely, lazy days spent at home. Trade in those oversized sweat pants for a good pair of jeans or trousers of the yoga-variety. Wear a fitted T-shirt instead of his old work shirt. Put on a little lipstick before he gets home from work. Watch your weight (he certainly is). You might find that he’ll be less likely to let himself go if you remain hot and happening.

2. Do your thing, so long as it doesn’t become a thing – We all need outlets and hobbies away from our beloved. Do make sure that she is on board with what you like to do. Harmless cross-dressing is one thing; smoking crack is quite another. Never allow your thing to come between you and your darling. It really boils down to respect for her feelings.

3. In sickness and in health – even if your turtle-dove is a raging hypochondriac, you must take his health concerns to heart and offer support in any way you can. Never pooh-pooh his aches, pains, or moods (Side note: if he bemoans aches and pains every day, or seems to be in some sort of mental funk, realize it may be a symptom of something deeper, and talk it over with him)

4. Avoid trash-talk – I’m incredibly bothered when someone badmouths his better-half. A little kidding around about her predilections is one thing; constantly complaining about every little thing she does is not. In business, we’re taught that if we have an issue with a colleague, we should take it up with that colleague before running to management or other co-workers. Shouldn’t the same rule apply to marriage?

5. The Golden Rule – when it comes right down to it, we must focus on treating our spouse/significant other/longtime companion the way in which we’d like to be treated. Don’t expect to be treated like a queen if you treat your beloved like a commoner. What goes around comes around.

Let’s make every month/day/hour/minute/second about love, shall we?

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Common Ground

Great relationships exist due to one thing: a shared outlook.

It’s true for any relationship: romantic, family, friendly, working, and such. Too often, relationships fail because they were never really based on common ground. Perhaps, initially, common ground existed, but one, or both parties, changed over the course of time. This happens. That’s why I think it’s vital for each of us to learn – sooner rather than later – who we really are, what we stand for, and where our passions lie.

Too often, relationships fail because many of us depend upon others for our happiness. We ultimately set ourselves up for failure when we rely on another person to make us happy. We must take ownership for our own happiness in order to succeed in any relationship. Yes, my husband brings indescribable joy to me each day; however, we were both happy individuals before we met. Finding each other was merely icing on the cake. As a result, we bring out the best in each other, through love, support, and yes, sharing the same priorities and outlook on life. Go, Team Newman!

It’s important to realize when an outlook is no longer shared. After a number of years, I left a job I initially loved because circumstances surrounding the job changed: it went from a mom-and-pop organization to a corporately owned institution. The family-like atmosphere no longer existed, and I was no longer comfortable there. In hindsight, I realize that my priorities there had changed over time, so it would be really unfair of me to place the entire blame on the corporation. Leaving was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, but it was the right decision for me.

The key to it all, of course, is self-awareness, and knowing what we truly want out of life, independent of people, situations, and stuff.

We must realize ‘when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em’. Hold on to those relationships that are based on a shared outlook. Keep those people around whose priorities are your own. Rid yourself of those relationships that simply won’t work for you.

Discover your own passion, and live your life accordingly. Take a stand for your beliefs. The right people and circumstances will find you, rest assured.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Developing A Habit

As I sit here working on outlines for my upcoming online course, New Year, New You, I obviously begin thinking about my own resolutions for the upcoming year. Yes, I realize we’ve not hit Thanksgiving yet, but I like to plan ahead….

Actually, I don’t like the word resolution. I much prefer to use the word goal. Goals are important. They offer guidelines on what we want to do, and who we want to be. Without them, we wander aimlessly - from job to job, friend to friend, etc.

Life is too precious for that.

Now, I'm not saying set a goal and allow no room for flexibility, dear friends. Flexibility is key when striving to reach whatever it is we're reaching for.
Studies show that it takes three weeks to develop a habit, and I know that to be true. Several years ago, a good friend - a coach- noticed that several within our group were starting to get a bit "doughy" (her word, not mine, but quite accurate in my case). She organized a workout group, and showed no mercy when we whined, begged, and pleaded with her to let us skip a day or indulge in those foods she deemed "naughty". The workouts were simple but tough - thirty minutes of cardio one day, thirty minutes of weight training the next, repeat, and on the seventh day, rest.

Three weeks later I was ten pounds lighter.

Six weeks later I was down to the weight I had in college.

Almost ten years later, I still rise at 6 am to exercise.

It's a habit that my body won't let me break.

Those first three weeks were, in fact, the toughest, but they were vital in helping
me become the person I am. The physical changes, obviously, were great, but more importantly I learned discipline. I learned the value of teamwork, and I learned that good friends - true friends - will encourage you to be the best you can be.

I encourage each of you to think seriously about your goals, or resolutions, or whatever you choose to call them. I'm here for you - just a click away.
For information about New Year, New You, feel free to visit the Classes and Seminars page at www.newmanimage.info.

Beth Newman
Fashion and Lifestyle Advisor
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

The Dating Game

My husband is a musician. Recently, at one of his shows, while he was rocking away on stage, a young man approached me to inquire about my status (quite flattering as I’m a good fifteen years older than he). Anyway, rather than walk away when I kindly informed him that I’m taken, he pulled up a seat and began lamenting the state of dating today.


“It’s so hard to find a nice girl these days,” he said.


“What do you look for in a girl?” I asked.


“I want someone who acts like a lady. I’m tired of all these girls who show up half-dressed and act like they’re porn stars or something.”


Pretty soon, his friends joined us, sharing the same thoughts.

“Sure, the girls who dress provocatively and come on strong get my attention, but only for a while. I’m over it already,” proclaimed one of them.


I’ve wondered just how long this porno-chic, diva-like trend would last. I’m no prude, but I’m quite appalled at the behavior I witness from many women of all ages. I realize the nightclub setting tends to lend itself to certain things, but so many gals these days leave very little to the imagination. Their manner of dress, the words they say, and the way in which they carry themselves is quite disheartening. Evidently, I’m not alone in the way I feel.


Later that evening, a dear friend of mine who’s in his mid-forties and still searching for someone special, concurred with what my new friends said earlier in the evening.


“One lady – that’s all I want. I guess they all must be taken.”


I’m sure they’re not all taken, and I’m sure there are some potential ladies out there who simply don’t know what to do. Ladies, let’s unite and bring back the elegance that’s missing. The men out there will appreciate it, I think.


Beth Newman
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and live your absolute best!