Although I acquired
a snazzy new outfit, I didn’t go to church this Easter morning. I recognize it’s no different from any other
Sunday, really, but when a holiday rolls around I do like to put in an
appearance –whether I have a new outfit or not.
But not today.
You see, God
and I aren’t on the best of terms at the moment.
Now, before
you raise an eyebrow, call the prayer chain, or (if you happen to be my dear
mother) collapse into a fit of vapors, let me explain a couple of things. First of all, my definition of God may differ
from yours, and I appreciate you for respecting it. In spite of what I do and say, I take my spiritual
beliefs seriously. Secondly, because my
views on The Almighty are hard to explain, I shall refer to those views as ‘God’
or ‘He’. Finally, I’d venture to guess
that many of us have questioned our beliefs at some point in our lives. If you haven’t, you’re either lying or are a
much better person than I.
I have an awful
lot of questions at the moment. I know I’ve
been a nag with regard to them, and for asking certain favors of God these past
few weeks. He, evidently, has had enough
of my henpecking, and appears to be giving me the cold shoulder. That’s fine, Big Guy – I'm feeling pretty tough right now, and am fairly confident that I can handle whatever you wish to sling in my direction.
It’s hard,
though, to keep up my defenses and play along with His macho head-games. As I scrawl out this little musing, baby
ducks gather at my feet. I’m outside, by
the way, not in my office. That would be
weird, huh? An occasional gecko sneaks
in, but never a duck. Gosh, could you
imagine? I wouldn’t mind the ducks, but the mess and the smell would simply
drive me over the edge.
But I
digress.
Try as I
might to withhold the fabulousness that is me (wink, wink or gag, gag
depending on your opinion of me), God keeps sending tiny reminders that we’ll
keep moving forward, somehow. Sure,
scars will run mighty deep, but we’ll make it – eventually, although changed.
I’ve had the
chorus of an old Lyle Lovett song playing in my head today. It’s called God Will.
God does
But I don’t
God will
But I won’t
And that’s the difference
Between God and me.
I think God
gets the fact that although we’re ‘created in His image’ we’re certainly not
wired as such. I believe He’s okay with
that and I think He’s okay if we don’t want to hold hands and sing songs of
praise at this particular point in our lives.
He and I are
at least back on speaking terms, with fewer insults hurled than in recent conversations. We can actually have a chat without one of us
getting snippy and storming out of the room.
It’s still a little shaky, but perhaps sooner rather than later we can sit
around and swap stories like we used to.
And what
stories they shall be, I’m sure.
