Monday, May 19, 2014

I Have a Kitchen Because It Came With the House

I don’t give a damn about broccoli, and I feel the same way about certain spatulas.  Only chumps sift flour, and if you think I’m spending one precious moment of my time carving rosebuds out of radishes, you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of hurt.
Don’t get me wrong, Sweeties, for I do enjoy spending time in my kitchen, especially when I’m not cooking.  Truthfully though, I do like preparing meals, particularly if they’re a) relatively healthy, and b) extremely easy.  I used to tell everyone (and by everyone, I mean me, myself, and I) that I simply didn’t have time to learn all the fancy-schmancy nuances that come along with creating a stunning and satisfying meal.  That’s a lie, however, and I’ll own it.  I’ve got time, but I simply prefer to spend it in other ways (napping, devising effective-but-humane devices for warding off squirrels, etc.)
Mr. Newman and I have been on a juicing/smoothie kick lately.  Like a fine meatloaf, you can put anything in a smoothie and it will turn out okay.  The Mister is a little more particular than I, however.    My ‘Green Goodness’ concoction was met with a look of disgust I hope to never witness again, along with an inquiry about the deal I struck with the yard man following a full day of mowing.  Mr. Newman will rue the day he mocked my super food efforts, once he notices my line-free face, svelte figure, and shiny hair.  My energy shall be boundless, too.  At least that’s what the dirty hippie who gave me the recipe promised. 
Many evenings we work, which doesn’t allow us the opportunity to sit down together and enjoy a full meal.  Juicing is a great way to get that end-of-the-day, much-needed sustenance.  Have you ever tried to suck a sandwich through a straw?  It can’t be done.  Liquid meals are fast, and there isn’t much clean-up afterward.
I sometimes think society puts too much emphasis on food.  I can always find something to eat – just ask my neighbor, whose oranges mysteriously disappear from her tree on a regular basis.  I commend those who can whip up a seven-course meal at the drop of the hat.  I wish I had that sort of enthusiasm, but I don’t.   No one in my house is starving, so I suppose that it’s alright.
Green Goodness Smoothie:
½ cucumber
2 stalks celery
4 leaves of Kale
Parsley (to taste)
Lemon Juice (to taste)
One small apple
Blend until smooth (duh)