Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Halloween Greetings and Good Advice

My friend invited me to join her for a 'dumb dinner' this Halloween.  She's the most fabulous pagan I know, and refers to 'All Hallows Eve' as Samhain (look it up).  Anyhoo, as I envisioned a scenario straight out of Dinner With Schmucks, complete with a long list of dopes I'd bring with me in order to exploit, she kindly explained what a dumb dinner actually is: everyone eats silently, an empty plate next to each guest, in order to contemplate and honor our ancestors.  The empty plate, I suppose, is for any ancestors who might want to drop by and mooch a meal.  I've already got relatives on this plane who do that, so why invite more trouble?

She told me not to come if I couldn't take it seriously, so I guess I'm on my own the evening of October 31, which is fine by me.

Don't get me wrong - I love Halloween, but I don't necessarily love everything that comes along with it, which includes but is not limited to:

-Sexy Nurse/Maid/Witch/Cat/Etc. Costumes.  How you dress tells the world how you expect to be treated, and this includes your choice of Halloween disguises.  If you want to be treated like a $10 'lady of the evening', by all means shell out $100 on a bit of flimsy fabric, but prepare yourself for the consequences and don't take offense at those who might leer and/or mock.

-Gory slasher movies.  They serve no purpose but to mess with one's head, and quite frankly, we've too many messed up heads among us right now.

-Tasteless Candy.  I splurged and bought a delicious organic brand for our neighborhood goblins.  Mr. Newman is convinced they'll egg our house as a result.  I may throw in travel size toothbrushes and toothpaste just for spite.  I'm doing a lot of things lately out of spite (be ready for my next entry on voting in the upcoming election).

Now that I've rained all over your Halloween parade, let me offer a few suggestions.  These are my tried and true Halloween pick-me-ups.  You're welcome (see 'Tip Jar').

Movies To Watch:
Strangers on a Train
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
Young Frankenstein

Music to Excite Your Darker Side (excluding Thriller - that's a given):
Sympathy for the Devil - Rolling Stones
Dark Lady - Cher
Marie Laveau - Bobby Bare
I Want Candy - Bow Wow Wow

Spine-Tingling Reads
The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe
The Nightwatchman - David Braly
The Way Up to Heaven - Roald Dahl
Dear Fatty - Dawn French (not scary, but hilarious, plus the title alone might make us all think twice before dipping into the candy bucket...again)

Foods to Fill Your Soul:
Potato Harvest Casserole (email me and I'll send you the recipe)
Zucchini Bread
Pumpkin Cookies
Baked Apples

It is my sincerest hope that you and yours enjoy a safe and fun-filled Halloween.  May your treats be heavy, your tricks be few.  Cheers, Sweeties!

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