Wednesday, March 6, 2013

They Are Not Lunkheads. They Are Trash.

I stole today’s title.  It’s a line from Jincy Willet’s story, *The Best of Betty.  I don’t know why it made me laugh out loud, and I certainly can’t tell you why I chose it as the title for this little musing.  It’s counter to all the ‘life is meant to be good and we should all love one another and you should really try to look your best’ blah blah blah I usually try to promote.

I suppose blah blah blah sums up my mood today.  I’ve been falsely accused recently of always being in a good mood, and I generally am.  But when someone describes me as nauseatingly happy, it causes me to pause and reflect on just how far I’m pushing this happiness thing – onto others, and onto myself.  If people want to vomit after spending ten minutes in my company, I’m obviously not doing something right.

But am I happy?  Yes.

Am I always in a good mood?  Certainly not.  In fact, I can get downright snarky, and this little literary effort is my outlet for doing so today.  Some people like it when I go on a snarky tangent; others not so much.  If you fall into the latter category, I invite you to leave immediately and return when the content centers on lollipops and roses again (snarky remark #1). 

I’m not choosing to be snarky or reveal my woes for the sake of getting attention, like a lot of folks who air dirty laundry in public and on social media sites (snarky remark #2).  In fact, I try to draw as little attention to myself as possible (note the fact that this blog only has 17 followers, and yes, that’s snarky remark #3).  I’m doing this so that others who have, like me, hopped aboard the feel-good train know that doubts, concerns, and general malaise can still creep in.  As a passenger, I know it’s important to snap out of it, and I will.  Myriad ways exist in which to do it.  I hope my fellow passengers know it, too, and I hope that they actually get a kick out of how I’m choosing to snap out of it by wallowing in it for a little while.


Yes, thank you for asking, I have many, and here they are, in no particular order:

Does God really care, or is He too caught up in searching for a new pope that He can’t really focus right now on my trifling little worries?  (snarky remark #4)

Why do some give so much and receive so little? 

Why do some give so little and receive so much?

I’m sure he had his reasons, but why?  
 PALM BEACH, FL (Palm Beach Post) A customer at a store in the 100 block of North Dixie Highway stuffed two bottles of Head &Shoulders shampoo into his pants, then left the store without paying for them. He was arrested for the $15.58 theft and taken to the county jail. 
He obviously needed the Head & Shoulders, but really, pant-stuffing has become such a cliché among thieves these days.  I hope his jail time wasn’t long.  I think he’s got bigger, more head-scratching problems to deal with (snarky remark #5.  corny joke #1).

Why am I not jazzed about this season’s Project Runway?

Why do these and other questions keep me awake at night, and why can’t I simply just turn my brain off occasionally?

I wish I knew, but I don’t.  Not now, anyway.  In good time, I’m sure all will be revealed (except for the shampoo thief who’s probably keeping a low profile due to the embarrassment of jail time and dandruff.  Snarky remark #6).


I have a few, in case you’re in the market for any.

Those who generally go about life all bubbly do hit a wall from time to time, so give them a break and quit trying to cheer them up.  Stop hounding them with questions, but do consider buying them a nice gift (snarky remark #7).

If you’re one of the bubbly ones, don’t tell others when you’re feeling a bit blue.  Blog about it instead (snarky remark #8).

Finding like-minded souls helps, no matter how weird they may seem, so get over the fact that you may have to drive twenty minutes out of your way to get to them (snarky remark #9).

As much as I’ve preached about the sins of too much TV, a little daily viewing can certainly be a good sort of get-away.

Stop trying to make everyone happy.  It won’t work.


Yes, as a matter of fact, there is.  Name-calling is never nice, chic, or elegant, but it can be fun sometimes (snarky remark #10).  This lunkhead enjoys it occasionally, but only does it in a teasing manner….usually.   Trash is a category, and we should never categorize our fellow humans as such.  Blog entries, on the other hand, well, that’s a different story (snarky remark #11).

There, I managed to tie in the title with the actual content.  Talk about a good little ‘pick me up’– well done, me! (snarky remark #12)


*The Best of Betty by Jincy Willet can be found in the anthology Children Playing Before a Stature of Hercules.  Forward written by David Sedaris.