Giving Gladly

I’ve been reading a great deal about the concept of giving lately. I’ve always believed myself to be a ‘good little giver’, but until recently, I never really considered my attitude while giving. I’ll confess, it’s not always as positive as it should be. As a society, we’re expected to give our money, our time, and our attention to various people and entities. We’re taught that we’ll reap blessings when we give, but here’s the kicker: we won’t reap anything positive if we’re not giving joyfully and without expectation.

When we give of ourselves, we shouldn’t expect anything in return. Giving should feel good, and when it does, we know we’ve done it for the right reasons. If it feels forced, or if we get upset because we weren’t recognized for our efforts in a way that we thought we should be recognized, then we’ll never reap a blessing from it.

In The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra tells us that we must give those things we want out of life (respect, happiness, time, money, etc.). It’s a karmic thing: what goes around comes around. When we give for the right reasons, we will certainly be rewarded in some way.

In his book, Attract Money Now (http://www.attractmoneynow.com/), Dr. Joe Vitale makes the same claim. He goes on to discuss the importance of giving only where we find inspiration and spiritual nourishment. We can apply this ‘money-making’ concept to each aspect of our lives. Where are we placing our attention? How are we interacting with others? How are we spending our time? Are we really getting what we want out of life?

Again, the key is giving gladly.

Don’t let Bono or the Baptist Church tell you how to give. Don’t allow anyone to monopolize your time and energy if you don’t receive a boost from it. Don’t expect anything in return. Search your heart, and give lovingly your time, attention, and yes, even your money to those people and causes that are special to you, that inspire you, and that you feel are truly worthy of your efforts.

Then grab an umbrella, because blessings shall rain down upon you.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant, Life Coach, Author
Newman Image
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Some Achy-Breaky Accountability

Billy Ray Cyrus told GQ Magazine recently that Hannah Montana is to blame for his family’s troubles.

Really, Mr. Cyrus?

Who allowed his young daughter into the spotlight at such a young age? Who insured that he’d get a co-starring role in her show once his own fame had dwindled? Who seemed ok with a questionable photo shoot a couple of years ago?

You did, Mr. Cyrus.

Accountability is defined as taking responsibility for one’s actions, and there’s precious little of it, these days.

It’s quite easy to point the finger and blame others for our woes, but when the rubber hits the road – as it certainly will, we are ultimately responsible for what happens to us. Now, with that being said, Miley Cyrus, at 18, is plenty old enough to take responsibility for her actions. Teens do stupid things, yet most don’t have the opportunity – or misfortune - to do it in front of a camera. I find it quite distressing that Miss Cyrus was, evidently, never taught that with fame comes responsibility…little girls everywhere once looked up to her, and those little girls may have grown into young women who still look to her for their cues.

And please don’t give me that garbage that bad behavior comes with being a child star. For every Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, and even Danny Bonaduce, I offer you a Ron Howard, Jodie Foster, and Kurt Russell. I’ll see your cast of Eight is Enough and raise you The Cosby Kids (with the exception, perhaps, of Lisa Bonet). Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains sponsors his own ministry these days, and the only faux pas committed by The Facts of Life girls came from Mindy Cohn, when her poor fashion choices landed her on What Not to Wear.

(Side Note: I watched too much TV as a kid, and have definitely aged myself in that last paragraph)

As adults, we are accountable for our successes and failures. We are responsible for encouraging and inspiring our children to grow into good, decent adults. We must stop playing the blame game and take ownership of our lives. We must fess up to our mistakes and get on with things. And you can put that in your achy-breaky pipe and smoke it, darling.

Somebody's Watching

A while back, the headmaster of the school where I taught for so many years forwarded to me an essay written by one of his students. Entitled My Most Mannered Teacher, it was about yours truly. This essay detailed the reasons why she felt I deserved kudos for displaying good manners, for treating everyone kindly, and such. I never had this child as a student. She was a little bitty thing in the elementary department, and I was upstairs with my middle school students. I had very little interaction with this young woman, so you can imagine my surprise when I read her essay.

I’m not relating this to you in order to brag, for I feel there are others at this school more deserving of this praise than I. I’m simply hoping to covey just how those little things we do add up, and to stress that someone, somewhere, is watching.

Sure, we can spend all day long telling kids (and adults, too, for that matter) just what to do. But when the rubber hits the road, it’s our actions that will have a far greater impact on them.

We stress to them the importance of speaking highly of others, then turn around and gossip about our neighbor. We tell them to treat others respectfully while we rudely disregard our spouse. We encourage them to have faith during challenging times, then panic or throw a tantrum when things don’t go our way.

Actions speak louder than words –an oldie but a goody, and a cliché that exists for a reason.

So remember, Sweeties, people do remember what you did, and how you made them feel. Your actions could very easily impact someone’s life. You may be someone’s role model. Keep that in mind the next time you’re tempted to forget your manners.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach/Author
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
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Respect

I once attended an awards luncheon in which a presenter, frustrated by the audience’s whispered mumbles and occasional cell phone beeps, raised her voice and curtly asked, “Could I get your respect, please?”

She didn’t receive our respect that day. She did, however, manage to silence the crowd with that question, but as far as garnering any venerability, I can safely tell you she did not.

Now, don’t get me wrong. One of my pet peeves is a noisy audience, but I’ve attended plenty of functions and know that there are better ways in which to settle a crowd.

I learned a long time ago that those who ask for respect are generally the ones who don’t deserve it. Certain people feel entitled to it because of their job, their economic status, or the art they create. They hide behind the façade of particular titles, letting those titles define who they are.

I don’t respect the manager who loses his temper and belittles his employee. I respect the employee who continues to plug away at the job, pleased with the product she creates, refusing to let the manager’s harsh words affect her.

I don’t respect the group of wealthy, suburban soccer moms who allow their children to wreak havoc in restaurants following a game. I respect the busboy who cleans up after them.

I don’t respect the performer who becomes angry when the audience doesn’t “get” the message he’s trying to convey. I respect the performer who gives it his all every night and is grateful for his audience and for the opportunity to perform.

No one is entitled to respect. Everyone has the opportunity to deserve it, though.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!