Seeing Stars

On the rare occasion I reach for Star magazine, I take perverse pleasure in not recognizing about 75% of the so-called celebrities featured in it.  I’m downright smug in my lack of current pop-culture knowledge, and full-blown snotty when it comes to the darn kids and what’s passing as their music these days.

Perhaps I’m suffering from early onset Grouchy Old Lady Syndrome.  Perhaps I just can’t relate to the here and now.  Perhaps I really just don’t care and can’t think of anything else to write about today.  All I know is this:  I can still sing every cut in order from Rick Springfield’s Working Class Dog album but I cannot tell you the title of one Katy Perry hit.

In my day, our only connection to our favored famous came monthly through Tiger Beat magazine.  We prayed each week that a certain special someone could take time from his busy General Hospital schedule in order make an appearance on Solid Gold.  We bought albums, posters, and t-shirts en masse. It’s different today, however, thanks to social media.  With just a simple ‘like’ we can now connect on a supposedly deeper level with them.  Heck, even people famous for doing absolutely nothing have millions of Instagram followers.  It’s instant celebrity, and we the sheeple sop it up with a biscuit.  And then, in about 15 minutes, we turn our gaze elsewhere.

This lack of loyalty saddens me, but what really keeps me up at night (not really, I’m merely going for effect here) is the lack of attention.  It’s not our fault.  Those 15 minutes seem to be much shorter than they used to be.  The Man and his Machine are pumping out two-a-penny pop tarts and pretty-boy lip synchers at an alarming rate these days. Of course the kids dig it - it’s all they know.  It’s getting harder and harder to find something organic. We alleged-grownups  must be vigilant in exposing them to more.  It is with great pride that I report to you that my two fabulous nieces (ages 8 and 5) count Dolly Parton and Pat Benatar among their favorites. The credit goes, of course, to my ever-conscientious sister and her quest to provide her children with something not on the current menu.

We like what we like and we needn’t try to explain our preferences to others.  Nothing irks me more than snobbery, which is what I appear to be guilty of at this very moment.  Hear me out:  honing talent takes time, and the kids aren’t understanding this concept thanks to televised contests and viral videos. Insta-fame. Our fast-food mindset has permeated darn near everything in our lives.  We consume without thought, and yet remain hungry.

With that being said, I’d like to note that there are a few exceptions who come to us through the ‘drive-through window’ that certainly deserve a nod. Kelly Clarkson, winner of the first American Idol, has an amazing voice, I think, and I’m glad she’s etching a career for herself in country music.  The Spice Girls had some catchy tunes, and to this day when I feel ‘Girl-Powery’ I can’t help but chant ‘Well I tell ya what I want..what I really really want…’  And my hand to Goddess, if you make one disparaging remark against the Monkees in my presence, I will smack you in the gob. Especially if that Monkee is Peter Tork (I’m looking at you, Mr. Newman).

From 2001, older and STILL playing their own instruments. RIP Davy Jones.

(Side note:  I was part of the MTV revival of Monkee-mania in the mid-80’s;  I was not alive during the first go-around.  Just clearing that up…)

I guess if there is a point to my ramblings this morning it’s this:  there’s more out there - we merely need to seek it, remember it, and share it. We've got to let the kids know that they’re being bamboozled and getting short-changed in the music department.  If your daughter says she wants to 'make music', please direct her to the genius of Stevie Nicks.   Let her know that there’s more to it than the glitter, the gloss, and the marketing machine. Let her experience first-hand something real.  Let her draw her own conclusions, and then leave her alone.

                     Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
                     Can I handle the seasons of my life?

 I don't know, Ms. Nicks, but I am trying.

Let Her Speak

I'm beyond the point of allowing 'the news' to get the better of me these days; however, one hot item that hit the press this week really fired me up:

Country Music Consultant Says Female Artists are Merely Tomatoes in the Country Music Salad.

In a nutshell, this man claims that female artists don't get as much airplay because, according to 'research',  they simply don't 'sell'.

I suppose this hit a nerve because back in my radio days/daze (late 1980's through mid-90's), a corporate program director for a country music station for which I worked essentially said the same thing:  'We don't play female artists back to back, and we usually don't play more than three female artists per hour.'

As a twenty-something with very little sense of self, I thought it was kind of dumb.  As a forty-something with perhaps an overly-inflated sense of self, I think it's  complete and utter hogwash.  

As a young child, I harbored what may have been a strange fascination with radio - who were these people, and how did they have access to all the tunes?  There was an element of mystery that appealed to my young soul.  Add to it my love affair with the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati and it's no wonder that I chose radio as my profession (for a while).  But real life was not WKRP (no program director I ever had wore his pants as tight as Andy Travis, and since none of them looked like Andy Travis, that was a very good thing.  That's a good example of me being sexist in radio, a fair turn-the-tables, if you will).  

By the time I hit the seen in a mid-size market, The Corporate Machine was already rearing it's ugly head.  We jocks didn't pick the music - a computer program did, and it typically generated a most generic, depressing, overly watered-down sound.  Throw in misogynistic managers and you've got yourself one troublesome situation.

Bah to that, says I.  I changed professions.  Teaching.  I did it for twelve years in a private school before The Corporate Machine bought it.  We teachers didn't pick our lesson plans - someone who'd never been in a classroom did, and it typically generated a most generic, depressing, and overly watered-down curriculum.  Throw in misogynistic managers and you've got yourself one troublesome situation.

Bah to that, says I.

Bah to all of it, says I.

I don't know about you, Sisters and Brothers, but I'm tired of Men in Suits telling us what to do, what to listen to, what to watch, what to eat, what to feel, and how to present ourselves.

I could go off a full-blown rant, but my focus today is that of radio and the nonsense spewed forth by this consultant.  Let me preface it by saying I don't listen to much country radio these days.  I like my country organic, which means no pitch-correction, no special collaboration with rappers, and no canned music. So with that being said, what might happen if:

Someone had the sense to switch to an all-female format.  All women, all the time.  The artists featured would preferably be singers/songwriters who play an instrument.  Vocalists are welcome provided they have never depended on electronic slight of hand when recording an album or performing live.  Artists who are also positive and empowering role models for young women.  All ages and ethnicities welcome.

And it wouldn't strictly have to be a music format.  Include current, women-centered events and inspiring women-centered stories.  Feature a Women in Business (with no corporate affiliation) segment.  In short, a venue for women to speak, to express, and to support one another, run by women for women.

Good Goddess Almighty - when did I become a feminist?

The F word has been bandied about much in recent years, and I still don't really understand its true definition or the tangents it has taken.  Equal pay for equal work?  Yes.  Equal radio air-play for all?  Yes.  An opportunity to prance around half-naked and express one's sexuality in front of a stadium full of strangers?  I don't think so.


All I know is this:  I'm officially sick of male domination (there, I said it).  Sisters, we owe it to ourselves and to our daughters to cry 'No Mas! We don't want what you're selling because we're smart enough to seek and think for ourselves.'

Now that I'm on a roll, I'd really like to get back into radio - on my terms (see 'all female format').  It must be commercial-free and a safe place for women to express themselves.  As much as I hate Go Fund Me, I'd take it just to get such a station on the air.  I wouldn't need anything fancy - a few watts of power, a couple of old-school turntables (because that's how I learned to run a board) and a microphone. KLHS (K (because all stations begin their call letters with a K down here) Let Her Speak).  I like it.

I'm too shy to start it myself, but I'm certainly not too proud to have someone else kick start it for me.  I'll do the all the grunt work gladly for those willing to pony up a few shekels.

And with that, Dear Hearts, I leave you with a number by Elizabeth Cook, who never gets any airplay on regular radio but hosts a dandy of a show on Sirius FM's Outlaw Country.  Something to think about....

Sweet Charity

This past week, our nephew set up one of those online funding accounts in memory of his sister.  Proceeds benefit the school in which she taught, one that specializes in educating children with neurological differences.  He set a goal of $500 and as of this writing more than $4,000 has been donated.  

Pretty flipping fantastic.

That's doing it for the right reasons:  honoring the memory of a fabulous someone while raising funds for children who shall greatly benefit.

Now let's talk about what those little accounts are for, what they're not for, and general 'charitable giving' ideas for us all to mull over:

Grave illness and tragedy, such as a house-fire - fund it.

Small non-profit, no-kill animal shelters that are doomed due to lack of monetary contributions - fund it.

Anything related to enhancing or improving education - fund it.

Now here it comes, based on actual information I discovered through extensive research (a five-minute Google, if I'm being perfectly honest). If any of the three of you who actually read this musing contribute to any of the following or the like, I will hunt you down and punch you in the throat:

Teen-age road trips 

A side-show hillbilly reality co-star 

Beer money

T-shirts for moms serving on athletic booster clubs

And let's not forget the 'artists'.  I've seen everything from 'help us make this movie' to 'help us make this album.'  I'm referring in particular to the so-called musicians out there who fall into one of two camps:  the Christians and the Hipsters.  Ironic, too, since begging for dough is neither Christ-like nor very hip, don't you think?

(I'm just throwing this in for you Johnny Come Latelys)

Side note:  the 'Donate' button on this particular little site is a tongue-in-cheek devise.  With that being said, I am not opposed to a small donation.  Sitting on my behind writing this thing keeps me from sitting on my behind doing something else, and much like my Christian Hipster brothers and sisters, I never turn down a little coinage ;)

Side Side Note:  and so help me God if those hipsters do get funding for an album and put it on vinyl, I will lose it (see:  throat punching).

Anyhow, this leads me to the over abundance of 'won't you give' requests that have permeated our society in recent years.  We can't even check out of a grocery store without being hit up for a donation benefiting a huge corporate machine based on the idea of charity.

Yes, most of our high profile charities are big business, and very little of the money received goes toward 'research' or 'patients'.  Do a little homework.  When a certain charity has enough power to wash our entire country in pink during the month of October, something is wrong.  And I don't pick on this particular organization lightly - my aunt died of their chosen disease at the age of thirty-six, leaving behind two little girls.    Where was this organization and their 'research'/'help'?  Not in Dimmitt,TX, that's for sure.

So herein lies the conundrum:  we know we should give, but where do we start?  Everyone from the obese to Obie the Oboe Player are hitting us up for cash.  My advise is to pick a couple of causes that resonate with you.  If you can't give cash, give time.  If you can't give time, give good vibes.  And remember, too, that when you give for the right reasons, some of that goodness will come back to you.