Let Her Speak

I'm beyond the point of allowing 'the news' to get the better of me these days; however, one hot item that hit the press this week really fired me up:

Country Music Consultant Says Female Artists are Merely Tomatoes in the Country Music Salad.

In a nutshell, this man claims that female artists don't get as much airplay because, according to 'research',  they simply don't 'sell'.

I suppose this hit a nerve because back in my radio days/daze (late 1980's through mid-90's), a corporate program director for a country music station for which I worked essentially said the same thing:  'We don't play female artists back to back, and we usually don't play more than three female artists per hour.'

As a twenty-something with very little sense of self, I thought it was kind of dumb.  As a forty-something with perhaps an overly-inflated sense of self, I think it's  complete and utter hogwash.  

As a young child, I harbored what may have been a strange fascination with radio - who were these people, and how did they have access to all the tunes?  There was an element of mystery that appealed to my young soul.  Add to it my love affair with the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati and it's no wonder that I chose radio as my profession (for a while).  But real life was not WKRP (no program director I ever had wore his pants as tight as Andy Travis, and since none of them looked like Andy Travis, that was a very good thing.  That's a good example of me being sexist in radio, a fair turn-the-tables, if you will).  

By the time I hit the seen in a mid-size market, The Corporate Machine was already rearing it's ugly head.  We jocks didn't pick the music - a computer program did, and it typically generated a most generic, depressing, overly watered-down sound.  Throw in misogynistic managers and you've got yourself one troublesome situation.

Bah to that, says I.  I changed professions.  Teaching.  I did it for twelve years in a private school before The Corporate Machine bought it.  We teachers didn't pick our lesson plans - someone who'd never been in a classroom did, and it typically generated a most generic, depressing, and overly watered-down curriculum.  Throw in misogynistic managers and you've got yourself one troublesome situation.

Bah to that, says I.

Bah to all of it, says I.

I don't know about you, Sisters and Brothers, but I'm tired of Men in Suits telling us what to do, what to listen to, what to watch, what to eat, what to feel, and how to present ourselves.

I could go off a full-blown rant, but my focus today is that of radio and the nonsense spewed forth by this consultant.  Let me preface it by saying I don't listen to much country radio these days.  I like my country organic, which means no pitch-correction, no special collaboration with rappers, and no canned music. So with that being said, what might happen if:

Someone had the sense to switch to an all-female format.  All women, all the time.  The artists featured would preferably be singers/songwriters who play an instrument.  Vocalists are welcome provided they have never depended on electronic slight of hand when recording an album or performing live.  Artists who are also positive and empowering role models for young women.  All ages and ethnicities welcome.

And it wouldn't strictly have to be a music format.  Include current, women-centered events and inspiring women-centered stories.  Feature a Women in Business (with no corporate affiliation) segment.  In short, a venue for women to speak, to express, and to support one another, run by women for women.

Good Goddess Almighty - when did I become a feminist?

The F word has been bandied about much in recent years, and I still don't really understand its true definition or the tangents it has taken.  Equal pay for equal work?  Yes.  Equal radio air-play for all?  Yes.  An opportunity to prance around half-naked and express one's sexuality in front of a stadium full of strangers?  I don't think so.


All I know is this:  I'm officially sick of male domination (there, I said it).  Sisters, we owe it to ourselves and to our daughters to cry 'No Mas! We don't want what you're selling because we're smart enough to seek and think for ourselves.'

Now that I'm on a roll, I'd really like to get back into radio - on my terms (see 'all female format').  It must be commercial-free and a safe place for women to express themselves.  As much as I hate Go Fund Me, I'd take it just to get such a station on the air.  I wouldn't need anything fancy - a few watts of power, a couple of old-school turntables (because that's how I learned to run a board) and a microphone. KLHS (K (because all stations begin their call letters with a K down here) Let Her Speak).  I like it.

I'm too shy to start it myself, but I'm certainly not too proud to have someone else kick start it for me.  I'll do the all the grunt work gladly for those willing to pony up a few shekels.

And with that, Dear Hearts, I leave you with a number by Elizabeth Cook, who never gets any airplay on regular radio but hosts a dandy of a show on Sirius FM's Outlaw Country.  Something to think about....

Mean Women

We hear so much these days about the Mean Girl Epidemic spreading throughout our middle and high schools.  I even hear stories of it occurring in elementary schools.  It’s bad, for sure, and takes an awful lot of diligence on the part of adults to keep it at bay.  We encourage our girls to do the right thing and to live by a strong moral code.  What happens, though, when the Mean Girls turn out to be adult women?  We don’t hear too much about it, but I can assure you that it’s alive and well within our society.

Growing up, yours truly was the target of some Mean Girl (and Mean Boy, for that matter) behavior.  Socially awkward and painfully shy, I was an easy target, I suppose.  It took years for me to come to terms with that cruelty, but come to terms I did, and it’s made me the woman I am today. I’m not sharing this with you to conjure up any sympathy, but to prove a point:  we can all overcome it.   I’ve built my life’s work around it, in fact:  I don’t want any little girl to endure what I endured.  I want every little girl to know she’s special, she’s competent, and that she matters.  I want to provide her with tools for ignoring the Mean Girls, tools she may very well need when encountering any Mean Women in her future.

Because I’d already ‘been there, done that’ with regard to the Mean Girls, I confess I took very little notice of it occurring amongst alleged-grown-ups. I guess at one point I was downright naïve to its very existence.   I’m aware of it now, and have come to following conclusions:

Mean Women Operate Out of Fear –Disrespect and ugliness towards others stems from a fear of not being accepted ourselves.   We channel this fear into the very thing we don’t want:  to be forgotten, or to be seen as ‘less-than’.  We fear it happening to us, so we’ll beat it to the punch by inflicting it on someone else.  How sad…

Mean Women Operate Out of Self-Loathing – I challenge anyone to find a Mean Girl or Mean Woman who truly likes herself.  Without self-love, there is no love.  It all starts from within. Plain and simple.

Mean Women Operate Out of Immaturity – Perhaps they weren’t indulged or encouraged enough as children.  Perhaps they were overly-indulged or overly-encouraged as children.  Who knows?  But something happened along the way to keep these women from growing up and contributing positively to society. 

Mean Women Operate Out of Jealousy – Strong women, beautiful women, happy women, and successful women are often targeted by Mean Women.  Instead of celebrating these women, they go to great lengths to tear them down.  They exclude.  They gossip.  They lie.  These are the things that get a Mean Girl into trouble at school.  Unfortunately, you can’t send a Mean Woman to the principal’s office.

I could go on, but I’d like to move along to another topic, one that I’ve written about many times:  living by example.  We cannot expect our daughters, nieces, or students to be nice girls if we’re not living nicely ourselves.  The old cliché of the apple not falling far from the tree is true, I believe.  We must take a good, hard look at ourselves and our motives, for they greatly affect our children.  If we want our future generation to live in a society of love, kindness, compassion and respect, we must put those concepts into practice – always.

I personally know a few Mean Women – women who are mothers, teachers, and leaders in my community.  I implore anyone remotely responsible for the well-being and guidance of children, particularly girls, to think and live on a higher level.  Get over what you need to get over and start playing nicely.  Come from a place of compassion and integrity – this will serve you well.

And for anyone who’s ever suffered at the hands of a Mean Girl or Mean Woman, take heart:  set your sights on fabulosity and you’ll do just fine.  It’s easy to ignore their comments when you know you’re doing the right thing.  Surround yourself with decent, positive people who have the greater good in mind.  Strive for excellence in all that you do.  Find inspiration wherever you can get it.  They say that living well is the best revenge.  Based on my own experiences, I know this to be true.

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

Beth’s books, Become a First Style Fashionista and 365 Days of Fabulosity, are available through Amazon.

My New Friend

I met the most fascinating woman this week.

Our introduction occurred in a clothing boutique. I struggled to determine her age (it’s impolite to ask, you know). Twenties, a very good thirty-ish…I couldn’t figure it out, and of course, it didn’t really matter. We began chatting, and I found myself totally in awe of her. She’s tall, with the most beautiful, unruly head of hair I’ve ever seen. Her deep, smoky voice rarely rises above a whisper. She revealed very little about herself. Originally from New England, she made her way to Texas last year because she felt ‘it would be best’. I don’t like to pry, but I confess I could not wait to hear her story, because I knew it would be absolutely delicious.

Randomly, she asked about my posture. I told her that standing up straight was merely a habit, and anyone could do it. “I want you to help me,” she said, “feel free to physically straighten me up anytime you see me slouching.” There’s no small talk with her; she gazes into your eyes intensely, asking questions, and really wanting to know things about you.

She has no car (not even a drivers’ license), and lives ‘with a few people’. “I like to work,” she said. “When I’m not working I’m at home. I have no family here. What else am I going to do?”

By this time, I’m bursting with intrigue. Her mysterious aura mesmerized me. I want to know everything I can about her!

“Have you read The Secret?” she asked. Of course, I have. “What about The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success?” I explained to her that Chopra’s little guide was the one that got me started on my journey toward enlightenment. “Me, too….yeah, me too….” She responded dreamily.

All I could gather from our first conversation was this: she’s smart – almost ‘scary smart’. She’s taking steps toward finding out ‘what it’s all about’ (her words). She’s been in some trouble that’s separated her from her family. She doesn’t party, because she’s ‘done with that scene.’

And here’s the kicker: she’s only 18-years-old.

She carries with her such presence, such mystique, and such confidence that I naturally assumed her to be older. She possesses that certain something that a few women spend a lifetime seeking. She’s not interested in figuratively purging herself as so many are. In a day in which anything goes, she’s guarded enough to keep others coming back for more – a breath of fresh air, to be sure.

We’ve talked every day this week. She asked me if I might serve as ‘a bit of a mother figure – nothing heavy’ for her, since her own mom is so far away. Having no children of my own, this is the sort of request that really gets you right where you live.

I’ve often heard about old souls, and I know I’ve met a few of them in my life, but none has fascinated me more than this young woman. A kinship between us already exists – one that I cannot explain. And I look so forward to seeing where this ride may lead.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!
Online consultations available!

What You Say (Part 2)

We continue our look at words and wardrobes:

Loud and Proud
You say, “I’m scared of boring.” I say, “Do you fear that others may think you boring?” You say, “I love bright colors and outrageous accessories.” I say, “Do you fear growing up?”

Consider this: the looks you get from the general public are not ones of admiration. Clashing colors and misshapen garments do you no favors, my dear, for we don’t really see you at all. We’re too focused on your outlandish wardrobe to really get a sense of the authentic you.

A death-defying dress sense won’t make you a more interesting person. Do you truly possess the confidence of someone who doesn’t give two hoots what others think of her, or are you a little shy and vulnerable, and use your fashion senselessness to hide who you are?

Your current state of dress misrepresents you. Don’t you think the time is right for us to meet the real you?

Advice for the Loud and Proud
Go bold with one accessory and keep everything else, including your outfit, on the conservative side.

If color is your passion, spend a little time each day drawing, painting, or collecting something that catches your eye. You’ll create a vibrant journal of your life!

Something tells me your wardrobe is not the only chaos that surrounds you. Rid your home of clutter, and get yourself organized. Hire someone to help you if you must – just do it!

Take a little time to simply people-watch. It’s far more entertaining than anything on television. You’ll learn better how to read people and pick up on the subtleties of human nature.

Moms and Daughters
You say, “I look as good in my daughter’s clothes as she does!” I say, “Are you trying to reassure yourself that you’re still young and slim?” You say, “These funky jeans are the latest and greatest!” I say, “You seem desperate to hang on to your youth.”

Midlife could certainly be a tough time for women, particularly those with teenage daughters who are now getting the attention the moms once did; however, there comes a time when we must grow up, move on, and accept that we are no longer the spring chicken of the coop.

Aging should bring about a sense of empowerment. This can be an incredibly positive time for us, and a sexy one to boot. Just ask Demi Moore!

Advice for Moms with Daughters
You can feel youthful through the power of clothing. Find fun, age-appropriate accessories to rev up an outfit. It also sets a great style example for your daughter.

Create a to-do list of things you want to accomplish, none of which have anything to do with your family. Choose one thing and go for it! Sky-diving, anyone?

Re-evaluate your home. If it resembles anything from Barbie’s Dream House, redecorate!

Find a role model, someone who is strong, respected, and chic. Scour the magazines if you must – there’s absolutely nothing wrong with emulating the style of Nicole Kidman or Cate Blanchett.

Married To It
You say, “After so many years of marriage, why bother?” I say, “Do you have moments of utter disappointment, ones you never verbalize?” You say, “The thrill is gone.” I say, “Are you and your husband intimate? Physically or emotionally?”

After years of marriage and raising children, many women blend into the background and are oftentimes mistaken for furniture. Peering into their closets, we might find clothing inspired by images they have of their mothers or grandmothers. They feel that because they’ve reached a certain stage of life, they must adhere to the role of the invisible woman.

They seldom realize the difference between being needed and wanted. These lovely women have reached a crossroads. I encourage them to rediscover and reestablish themselves, their style, and their sex-appeal.

Advice for the Married To Its
Avoid matchy-matchy like the plague! Colors and accessories should complement one another, not reflect as mirror-images of each other.

Even if you don’t have the body of a twenty-year old, invest in good, sexy lingerie. Your husband may not take notice (the bum), but it will make you feel sexy, and that’s really what it’s all about.

Where the mind leads, the body will follow. Visualize yourself as a healthy, vibrant, and interesting woman, and by golly, you’ll become her.

Put yourself first. The kids are grown, and your husband is certainly able to help out around the house. Take an evening class, join a gym, spend a day at the spa – you deserve it for your wonderful years of service!

For the Boys
You say, “If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” I say, “Do you think that’s really all you have to offer?” You say, “I get hit on a lot.” I say, “You know what they’re really after, don’t you?”

Ah, the good-time girls! Merely out for a laugh, a drink, and any sort of attention they can get. Of course, it’s easy to get attention when one’s fruits and vegetables are on full display.

Most of them have never considered the fact that they way they dress sends the opposite message of the one they hope to send. “Look at me, I’m easy to love!” could easily be misread as “Look at me, I’m easy!” I’ve found that deep inside most of these girls resides a longing to feel true love and a fear that they’ll never find it. They use their scantily-clad ways as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from a past hurt they’ve endured. Usually, they blame themselves for the hurt, and as a result, they’ve an incredible amount of self-loathing.

Advice For the Girls Who Do It Strictly For the Boys
Reveal just enough of your physical assets to keep them guessing. Show a little cleavage, but keep the rest covered. If your legs are to-die-for, wear that short, slinky skirt with a turtleneck and boots.

For one month, stay out of the clubs. Go to dinner with your girlfriends, call your mother, or simply sit at home alone with a good book. Trust me; you’re not missing a thing by not being out there every night of the week.

Set goals. What do you hope to accomplish in five years? Twenty years? By the end of the week? Write your goals down and study them each day. This is a great method for helping you get what you want out of life, and will also help you think twice about questionable behavior now (behavior that could very well come back to haunt you!)

Realize that you are smart, charming, and gorgeous. You have more to offer the world than the gossip surrounding your drunken, unseemly behavior.

I do hope this little series has provided some food for thought. When I tell women I want them to look, feel, and live their absolute best, I mean it!

Beth Newman
Fashion and Lifestyle Advisor
www.newmanimage.info