Not-So-Brilliant Conversationalists

A colleague and I recently discussed how folks these days have little to actually talk about in person due to social media.  She didn't have to tell me about her Christmas, nor did I need to share about mine.  Thanks to Facebook, we knew the holiday score and in one regard it was fine - we could get down to business fairly quickly.  On the other hand, we missed the social element that once-upon-a-time prefaced 'getting down to work'.

I took that encounter to heart, and have tried to be super-mindful of what I throw out into the cosmos via the Internet.  I never felt the need to post the minutia of each moment, and I certainly never posted anything heavy or personal.  I've always tried to keep it light in the hopes that my reported deeds and misdeeds might make someone smile.

Social media is a wonderful tool for staying in touch with far-away family and friends.  It's also a great method to 'meet' and 'interact' with like-minded souls.  Too many of us misuse it, however;   when we're more concerned with impressing the masses rather than those living within our homes, then we've got a problem.  

We live in the age of Too Much Information, and I wonder if the overload has gone so far overboard that we can no longer discern fact from fiction.  

I also wonder how much of that TMI energy we're absorbing simply by default.  Got five minutes to spare?  Check Facebook.  Then log on to Twitter.  Then visit Instagram.  That five minutes turns into a good solid hour, and then where are you?  Behind in your work; behind in your being.  I know, for I've been guilty of it far too many times.

Off course,  we should take note of the fact that social MEdia sites are rife with narcissists, sociopaths, and your basic run-of-the-mill attention whores.  These folks have no interest in real connections.  They're more concerned with reaching a certain number of 'likes'.  One connection I had went so far as to create fake profiles for a cast of characters with whom he 'interacted' - everything from fake personal assistants to fake family members, which then led to fake enlightenment and fake excitement.  His desperate attempts at presenting himself as a raconteur fell flat rather quickly. The fewer responses he got, the more outlandish his posts became.

I ended up deleting him from my online world.  I 'd never met him in person, and couldn't quite recall how we connected in the first place. 

There is no shame in living a life that's real. And undocumented.

This leads us back to the original point:  have we lost the art of conversation?  Real conversation - the equal exchange of give-and-take.  Listening more while speaking less. I once clocked someone in at 43 minutes before he even asked, 'And how are you?'   It's probably my own fault; I've never been much of a talker and I'm terribly private.  Still, it's always nice to be asked.

If, like me, you're desirous of changing your social media habits, why not give the following a try:

1.  Logging on only once or twice a day; posting even less.

2. Deleting or blocking the narcissists and Debbie Downers (I conducted a 'blocking ceremony' a couple of days ago, and it certainly felt good).

3.  Post only the positive.  If it will make someone smile, laugh, or think, you're good to go.

4.  Share links to art, music, and the written word, not the latest horror from the news.

5.  Live honestly and simply, and relay your life as such. 

6.  If it's not someone you'd want to chat with over a glass of wine, don't connect with him online.

Just like everything else in life, finesse and balance in our social media habits are important. Our real and online interactions have the power to make or break someone's day.   Utilize your networks wisely, but more importantly, utilize your time with the person standing two feet away from you wisely, too.  Ask, listen, and reciprocate - quite easy, once we put it back into practice.

Second-Hand Dullness

Very few bat an eye these days at the violent, negative, and often-times sexually explicit messages and images that inundate us daily, but you smoke one cigarette in public, and everyone goes ape.

I had to kindly explain the meaning of the word ‘acquiesce’ to an alleged-adult the other day, who in turn told me to ‘chill-ax’ with ‘all those fancy words.’

We’ll march ourselves, children in tow, into the streets in order to protest some cause that quite frankly doesn’t affect us in the long run (unless we allow it to do so), but don’t offer our kids much in the way of spiritual or moral guidance.

Is it just me, or does our society suffer from misplaced priorities?

I ask the question because it seems as if we’re dumbed-down and hyped-up on all the wrong things.    We know the names of every Kardashian (who seem to multiply like head lice), but can’t recall the names of our founding forefathers, the twelve disciples, or the Rat Pack.

We can certainly point fingers and blame public education, the media, or changing times, but it really boils down to one thing:  us.  We simply must step it up, Sweeties.  We’ve become too lax and too forgiving of behaviors that don’t serve our society well. 

But I do believe there is hope for us and for future generations, and it most likely will only take a tweak or two…

Turn of the television and pick up a book.

Get to know your neighbors as well as you know the Kardashians.

Stop looking for the ‘big bang’ and realize the ‘big bang’ occurs during those simple times.

Listen more, talk less.

Express yourself through your words and deeds, and not with body art and unflattering clothes.

Go outside and sit quietly for a few minutes each day.

Love and accept others no matter their ethnicity, culture, religion, sexual orientation, or political leanings.

Help a creature in need.

Living fully, correctly, and enjoyably doesn’t have to be difficult.  It’s all about taking ‘pride in ownership’ when it comes to our lives.  It’s about keeping ourselves positively productive.  It’s about surrounding ourselves with uplifting and entertaining individuals – even those who may live differently than you.  (Side note:  tolerance and acceptance are big in my book, and I’m blessed with many friends from many walks of life.  Try it, you may just like it!)

If you found today’s musing a bit harsh, that’s okay.  You may, in fact, be fed up with my oh-so-elegant rants, and that’s fine, too.  Go forth in peace and stay ‘chill-axed’.  I’ll be in the corner with a few like-minded souls who take pleasure in the little things and can communicate at-or-above a seventh grade level.

And I won’t even mind if they’re smoking while doing so.

Beth Newman

Newman Image

www.newmanimage.info

Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

You, Your Image, and Everyone Else

Have you ever wondered why our society has become so lax?  Why is it perfectly acceptable these days to run around in tracksuits, peppering our language with slang and offensive terminology, basking in our lack of elegance and refinement while offering our middle finger to anyone who doesn’t like our loud-and-proud attitude?  Like or leave it, someone once told me.

I don’t like it, and I just can’t leave it.

For you see, my friend, we’ve got a full-force ripple effect happening.  Our croc-wearing, tattoo-bearing, attempts-at-daring affect others.  Kids today are unfamiliar with the term ‘dressing for the occasion’ because they’ve never witnessed it.  Recent college grads who grew up with a grand sense of entitlement don’t understand why their multi-piercings are keeping them from landing a job.  Women of ‘a certain age’ don’t understand why their bawdiness has yet to attract the perfect partner.  “I mean, it worked for the gals in Sex In The City, why isn’t it working for me?”  they ask.

Like it or not, we are judged by how we communicate, and we communicate through many different avenues each day:  the words we speak, the clothes we wear, our manners, our mannerisms – I could go on.  It’s the Total Package Effect and I speak to so many women about it:  you can look great, but if you don’t speak greatly or act greatly, others will not perceive you as great.

So my question today is this:  what, exactly, are you trying to communicate?  If you desire attracting certain people or situations into your life and you’ve yet to manifest them, you’re image could be holding you back.

I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times.

One’s image plays a significant role in her overall success, both professionally and personally. 

I think a key element that leads to an ‘image downfall’ is the acceptance of the status quo.  No one else dresses up for church, so why should I? Everybody enjoys fast-food on a regular basis, so why shouldn’t I?   Everyone else watches garbage on Television, so why shouldn’t I (side note:  garbage in, garbage out.  I learned that a long time ago, and it’s very true.  Think about it.) 

Because it leads to stasis, and a lifestyle in stasis is a lifestyle in crises.

We should all strive each day not only to look our best, but to speak our best and BE our best.  We’ve got to get over this weird ‘let’s just be comfortable and let it all hang out’ mentality and take ownership of our lives and our image.  We must recognize that our choices affect others – and not necessarily in a good way.

We’ve got to get over our laziness and stop accepting things that simply shouldn’t be acceptable.  If not, I shudder to think of the fruit the upcoming generation will bear.  They’re looking to us and following our lead, so if we want better for them, we must be better ourselves.

Be the change you want to see in the world – Gandhi

What is it you’d like to see?

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

ps...I've got a new e-course starting next week.  It's called Your Image and You:  Who Do You Think You Are?  For details go to http://newmanimage.info/In_The_News_.html