Over the Rainbow

It’s a rare occasion in which I’ll call someone out on his or her ignorance, yet I had no choice but to do so twice this week.

Scenario 1:  Enlightening Mr. Newman to the fact that Shirley Jones is, in fact, David Cassidy’s stepmother, but portrayed his real mother on The Partridge Family.  She is the actual mother of Shaun Cassidy, thus making David and Shaun half-brothers, not full-brothers.  (Side note:  The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries is streaming on Netflix.  It’s bad seventies TV at it’s finest, so I naturally endorse it).

Scenario 2:  Late Friday evening,  I received a personal message on Facebook from someone I hardly know inquiring as to why I had not rainbow-alized my profile picture or, at the very least, remarked publicly about Friday’s ruling regarding gay marriage. At first I felt honored; not many people give  two hoots and holler about my opinion on anything, so after the euphoria of that wore off, I simply said,  “I didn’t think I needed to.”    I went on to explain that my closest of gay friends (ie:  people I know and love in the ‘real world’) had already received a congratulatory message from me via call, email, or text. “Plus,” I continued, “I look horrible in pastel colors and horizontal stripes.”

Thinking the matter concluded, surprise met me yesterday morning:  another message from this person, informing me that she found my flippancy offensive.

I did not respond.

Until now.

Lady, you don’t know me, you’re not gay, and suddenly jumping on the Straighty Support Bandwagon does not make you any more special than anyone else.  You’re part of the ‘look at me, not the cause’ syndrome that’s hurling our society even further down to hell in a hand basket.  Real support means you’ve a long history in some fashion with any given cause, you’ve embraced it, you’ve actually cried with those affected by it, and you sincerely rejoice in its victories without drawing attention to yourself.

I could go into my own personal history regarding this cause, but I won’t.  All I’ll say is that it’s one that’s near and dear to me:  from standing up for the ‘sissy’’ on the school playground to kissing several young men right out of the closet during my college days to holding the hand of someone who lost his partner of 30 years to a horrible illness….what a long, glorious trip it’s been.

Don’t talk to me about the rainbow...I’ve been over it more than once.  Oh, and by the way, my remark about pastels and horizontal stripes came from my dear friend, Gay Barry - not me.

Whew, now that that’s over, I’d like to address the so-called Christians in the room:  judge not, lest ye be judged.  Jesus taught tolerance, acceptance, and love.  The hate-filled venom some of you are spewing opposes those ideals.  Honestly, I’ve known atheists who are more Christ-like than you.  Think about it.

No matter our faith, the best witness we can bear is through our deeds, not our words.  We are on this particular plane to learn and to love, and as four incredibly wise men once put it:  all you need is love.  

Let’s get over ourselves, shall we?  Let’s educate ourselves.  Let’s live and let live.  Let’s walk the walk rather than talk the talk.  Let’s stop speaking in cliches or, worse, utilizing them as a literary device, Beth Newman

Do as you will, as long as it harms none.  

Love is all you need.

Valentine’s Day and Other Random Ramblings

Here we find ourselves, Sweeties, just two days away from Valentine’s Day – a made-up holiday that shines a stupendously stunning spotlight on love and let-down. 

I’m all for expressions of amore, but let’s face facts:  Valentine’s Day can be a major stress factor in a relationship.  Years ago, during one of my many professional ventures, a colleague spent Cupid’s day fuming because her husband did not send flowers to the office.   A downright downer during any given minute, this gal’s downer-ness exploded to massive proportions by the end of this particular Valentine’s workday.  I went out of my way to drop by her cubicle, my own flowers in hand, to express my genuine (i.e. half-hearted borderline snarky) sympathies before leaving.

They later divorced.  I’m not certain if her flowerlessness contributed to the demise of their marriage, but I’m sure it didn’t help matters. She made the mountains- out- of- mole-hills concept into an art form, and I felt both sorry and relieved for her husband when I heard of their split.

And don’t get me started on those awful jewelry commercials inundating us at the moment, sending the message that no woman is completely happy unless she’s got some sort of reduced-price diamond hanging off her person.  This sort of nonsense only adds to the ‘special princess for a day’ concept that women buy into figuratively and men buy into literally. 

Ridiculous.  Give me something I can use.

Like a pink ukulele.

That’s right.  When Mr. Newman asked what I wanted for this pretend (and might I add pretentious) celebration, I gave him my standard answer:  nothing.  He’s persistent, though, so I finally gave in and told him to get me a pink ukulele.  I’d love to improve upon my already (non-existent) musical leanings, and I’m confident that a P.U. will assist me in doing so.  And P.U. is what the masses will cry when I take my act to various open-mic nights throughout the greater Houston area.

Speaking of musical geniuses, did you catch that fabulous Beatles tribute the other night?    My only ‘wouldn’t it be cool if... .’ thought centered on a Sir Paul, Ringo, Dhani Harrison, and Julian (not Sean) Lennon jam session.  I was thrilled, however, when Dhani took the stage with Jeff Lynn and Joe Walsh, and equally elated when Sean stayed in his seat and kept his yap shut.

Speaking of keeping one’s yap shut, I’m finding it more difficult to do these days.  I lovingly informed a fifteen-year-old girl last night that the reason I would not join her in her second bag of microwavable popcorn is because it’s full of chemicals and if she wanted to dig herself an early grave, go for it.  ‘Chew with your mouth closed, please, and get back to your book,’ I added.

Speaking of books, I’ve always been against the banning and burning of them, but have changed my tune upon reading Shirley Jones’ memoirs last week.  Poorly written, poorly edited, and chock-full of TMI (and not the good kind), I’m tempted to ask for my money back, but I can’t because I checked it out of the library, so I’m tempted to simply turn in my library card.

Speaking of Temptations, I ain’t too proud to beg:  please, might we all settle down this Valentine’s Day and stop pressuring our beloved into wasting money on pointless tokens of love?  I’ve a very dear friend who used to tell her children that they could have anything they wanted as long as it wasn’t advertised on television.  An ingenious notion, in my humble opinion.

You don’t see any pink ukulele advertised, now do you?

All you need is love.

If, however, you’re forced to reveal your deepest desires this Valentine’s Day, take a good hard look at yourself.  What do you really want?  What speaks to you?  Remember, it’s not a competition, even though the media has made it such.  Just because Jane Seymour says you need necklace doesn’t necessarily mean that you do.  Just because those broads in the office next door get the standard candy and flowers doesn’t mean you should.  Get creative.  C’mon, get happy.

Speaking of happy, I do hope you have lovely Valentine’s Day.  I really mean it.

 

 

(Coming up on Elegant Musings:  Will Mrs. Newman receive the pink ukulele from Mr. Newman?  If not, will she actually make a withdrawal from her ‘Facelift Fund’ and get it herself?  Will the popcorn munching teen’s mom pay up for the two-months of tutorials Beth has so generously offered like clock-work each and every week?  Tune in next time….)

 

The Seeds We Sow

We reap what we sow. This is something we hear as children, but of course it never registers completely until we reach a certain age and gain a little experience.

Unfortunately, some people, though aware of this concept, never really take it to heart.

Not too long ago, I encountered a man who, according to several reliable sources, throws a great deal of negativity into his world. He’s verbally abusive, quick to judge, and makes snap decisions based on “What’s in it for me?” rather than “How will this benefit everyone involved?” Needless to say, he’s not respected nor much liked by the majority of those who know him, which is unfortunate. Oddly enough, however, he thinks that he is, which is sad.

This poor man has no idea of who he really is and how he’s perceived. He’s yet to develop the tools for gaining true happiness and success. He claims to be enlightened, but he isn’t. He’s driven purely by his ego, and is genuinely surprised when things don’t go his way. He’s yet to make the connection that the unpleasantness and hostility he’s bestowed upon others comes directly back to him. When obstacles appear, he’s angered and plays the victim. It’s apparent to those of us in-the-know understand what’s happening, but this poor soul just doesn’t get it.

Happiness and success come when we tap into our authentic selves. This takes reflection, honesty, and time. We must check our ego at the door and let go of those negative thoughts that only weigh us down. With an understanding of our true self, we are free to pursue our passions, free to live happily, and free to sow those good seeds that will help others succeed.


Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
Newman Image
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

A Happy Sort of Relationship

An acquaintance recently told me that February is the ‘month of love’. I innocently asked, “Shouldn’t every month be one of love?” She glowered at me as if I’d coughed up a hair ball. It got me thinking, though, about love, relationships, significant others, and so forth, and made me realize just how easy it is for people to place extremely high expectations on their beloved, and how easy it is for them to display an incredible amount of disrespect toward him or her.

So, I’ve devised a little list of helpful hints for insuring a positive and loving relationship with your honey:

1. Look the part – It pains me to witness someone who uses marriage as an excuse to let herself go. That special someone deserves to see you at your best, even during those lovely, lazy days spent at home. Trade in those oversized sweat pants for a good pair of jeans or trousers of the yoga-variety. Wear a fitted T-shirt instead of his old work shirt. Put on a little lipstick before he gets home from work. Watch your weight (he certainly is). You might find that he’ll be less likely to let himself go if you remain hot and happening.

2. Do your thing, so long as it doesn’t become a thing – We all need outlets and hobbies away from our beloved. Do make sure that she is on board with what you like to do. Harmless cross-dressing is one thing; smoking crack is quite another. Never allow your thing to come between you and your darling. It really boils down to respect for her feelings.

3. In sickness and in health – even if your turtle-dove is a raging hypochondriac, you must take his health concerns to heart and offer support in any way you can. Never pooh-pooh his aches, pains, or moods (Side note: if he bemoans aches and pains every day, or seems to be in some sort of mental funk, realize it may be a symptom of something deeper, and talk it over with him)

4. Avoid trash-talk – I’m incredibly bothered when someone badmouths his better-half. A little kidding around about her predilections is one thing; constantly complaining about every little thing she does is not. In business, we’re taught that if we have an issue with a colleague, we should take it up with that colleague before running to management or other co-workers. Shouldn’t the same rule apply to marriage?

5. The Golden Rule – when it comes right down to it, we must focus on treating our spouse/significant other/longtime companion the way in which we’d like to be treated. Don’t expect to be treated like a queen if you treat your beloved like a commoner. What goes around comes around.

Let’s make every month/day/hour/minute/second about love, shall we?

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Common Ground

Great relationships exist due to one thing: a shared outlook.

It’s true for any relationship: romantic, family, friendly, working, and such. Too often, relationships fail because they were never really based on common ground. Perhaps, initially, common ground existed, but one, or both parties, changed over the course of time. This happens. That’s why I think it’s vital for each of us to learn – sooner rather than later – who we really are, what we stand for, and where our passions lie.

Too often, relationships fail because many of us depend upon others for our happiness. We ultimately set ourselves up for failure when we rely on another person to make us happy. We must take ownership for our own happiness in order to succeed in any relationship. Yes, my husband brings indescribable joy to me each day; however, we were both happy individuals before we met. Finding each other was merely icing on the cake. As a result, we bring out the best in each other, through love, support, and yes, sharing the same priorities and outlook on life. Go, Team Newman!

It’s important to realize when an outlook is no longer shared. After a number of years, I left a job I initially loved because circumstances surrounding the job changed: it went from a mom-and-pop organization to a corporately owned institution. The family-like atmosphere no longer existed, and I was no longer comfortable there. In hindsight, I realize that my priorities there had changed over time, so it would be really unfair of me to place the entire blame on the corporation. Leaving was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make, but it was the right decision for me.

The key to it all, of course, is self-awareness, and knowing what we truly want out of life, independent of people, situations, and stuff.

We must realize ‘when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em’. Hold on to those relationships that are based on a shared outlook. Keep those people around whose priorities are your own. Rid yourself of those relationships that simply won’t work for you.

Discover your own passion, and live your life accordingly. Take a stand for your beliefs. The right people and circumstances will find you, rest assured.

Beth Newman
Image Consultant/Life Coach
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Cast A Spell!

With Halloween just around the corner, I thought it might be fun to share a little magic with you, particularly if you’re hoping to attract a certain someone! The following (discovered at http://www.romantic-lyrics.com/love-spells.shtml) are ancient potions, supposedly conjured up by witches long ago:

Love Potion #9: In a small pot, simmer a half cup of jojoba oil and, moving your spoon clockwise, stir in 9 drops each of the following essential oils: ambergris, cinnamon, frankincense, jasmine, lavender, musk, orange blossom, rose, violet, and ylang ylang. Let cool and store in a dark glass container. Dab yourself with it as you would your favorite perfume before a night out (or a night in) to drive your loved one wild with desire.

Enchanting Brew: Pour a quart of red wine or grape juice in a non-reactive pot and warm to a near simmer. In a doubled piece of cheesecloth place two cinnamon sticks, a teaspoon of rose petals, one teaspoon each of ginger and cloves, a wedge of orange peel and a piece of fresh ginger. Gather and tie the bundle tightly with butcher's string, and place it in the liquid to steep. Taste the brew every few minutes until the flavors have been infused, but remove the bundle before they become overpowering. Chill if desired. Share a glass with your loved one and toast to an enchanting evening.

Herbal Bath: In a piece of doubled cheese cloth, place a tablespoon each of dried rose hips, lavender buds, and bay leaves. Wrap the herbs in the cloth and tie at the top with a pink ribbon. Fill a tub of hot water, toss in the herbal bath and sink into it to awaken loving energies.

Love Charm: To draw love into your life, cut a three by three inch square of aluminum foil. All metals have attractive properties, and work much like a lightening rod which draws electricity from the atmosphere. Sprinkle a pinch each of dried parsley, rosemary, and thyme onto the center of the foil. Carefully fold the foil to keep the herbs sealed inside. Keep it against your heart to attract loving energies to yourself.

Now, I don’t know if any of the above are guaranteed to attract love and attention, so I’d like to share my own spells to help you become truly bewitching:

Always act like a lady: The number one question I hear from men of all ages is, “Where are the ladies?” I sincerely believe a man wants a woman who is charming and consistently minds her manners.

Always speak like a lady: Soft-spoken, thoughtful, and kind remarks are far more appealing than foul language, tasteless comments, and verbal, bombastic assaults.

Always dress like a lady: It really is best to ere on the conservative side. And, yes, you can be superbly chic and conservative at the same time!

Respect yourself…and others: Taking advantage of people is a no-no, as is rudeness. Realize you don’t have to adopt the dreadful ‘diva’ attitude to get what you want.

Nothing more powerful exists than the law of attraction, which states that we get what we give, through our actions and our thoughts. Do focus on attracting treats rather tricks, and enjoy a fabulous and fun-filled Halloween!

Ps…If you’re planning to dress up Halloween night in anything associated with ‘pimp’ or ‘ho’, I implore you to reconsider!

Beth Newman
www.newmanimage.info
Look, feel, and live your absolute best!