TCB, Baby

Somebody Should Really Do Something About All of the Problems!

So read a headline in The Onion a few years back.  I chuckled at that one before I even dove into the faux article.  I’ve known people all my life ready and willing to complain, but rarely stepping up to help.  I never got it – I was always wired to jump in and take care of business.   That’s how my parents did things.  They knew how to ‘make it work’ long before Tim Gunn coined the phrase on Project Runway.

As I do my best to preach the gospel of fabulosity, I must remind you, Sweeties, that a little TCB makes a mighty big difference.  One will never be fabulous if she’s willing to sit by and let others do the grunt work.  She loses points if she complains while others are ‘gittin’ it done’ (geesh – I’ve resorted to quoting Larry the Cable Guy.  How desperate am I to make my point?), and she should be smacked upside the head with a pink feather boa if she fails to say ‘thank you’ when the job is done.

And it doesn’t matter the task at hand.  In many cases, one can easily make arrangements for proper health care for an elderly relative in the same amount of time it takes to unload the dishwasher and vacuum the floor.  Of course, situations exist that will take more time.  My advice is to start chipping away at these immediately, before you end up with a full-fledged mess on your hands. 

I’d also like to remind you, too, that your attitude while pitching in determines just how fabulous others shall perceive you.  When we start moaning and groaning, we’re not going about it in the right spirit.  We’ll only reap blessings when we give our time, money, talents, expertise, etc. with a glad heart.

So if you’ve ever complained about the way in which something has ever been handled, put your money where your mouth is and start contributing to the greater good.  If you’ve ever approached someone with the phrase, ‘You need to tell so-and-so to…” you should really think about what type of person doesn’t have the onions to go directly to so-and-so.  So-and-so could very well have a full plate in front of her, and might certainly appreciate a break from you.

If there is a problem

Yo, I’ll solve it…

Yikes!  I’m now quoting Vanilla Ice.   Do you see the depths in which I’m sinking regarding today’s topic?

Go out there and just be fabulous.  Stop whining, and exceed expectations in all that you do.  Is this really too much to ask?

Beth Newman

www.newmanimage.info

Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!  Be sure to catch Beth’s show, ‘The Fabulosity Factor’ this Wednesday at 10am CST on BlogTalk Radio.

Second-Hand Dullness

Very few bat an eye these days at the violent, negative, and often-times sexually explicit messages and images that inundate us daily, but you smoke one cigarette in public, and everyone goes ape.

I had to kindly explain the meaning of the word ‘acquiesce’ to an alleged-adult the other day, who in turn told me to ‘chill-ax’ with ‘all those fancy words.’

We’ll march ourselves, children in tow, into the streets in order to protest some cause that quite frankly doesn’t affect us in the long run (unless we allow it to do so), but don’t offer our kids much in the way of spiritual or moral guidance.

Is it just me, or does our society suffer from misplaced priorities?

I ask the question because it seems as if we’re dumbed-down and hyped-up on all the wrong things.    We know the names of every Kardashian (who seem to multiply like head lice), but can’t recall the names of our founding forefathers, the twelve disciples, or the Rat Pack.

We can certainly point fingers and blame public education, the media, or changing times, but it really boils down to one thing:  us.  We simply must step it up, Sweeties.  We’ve become too lax and too forgiving of behaviors that don’t serve our society well. 

But I do believe there is hope for us and for future generations, and it most likely will only take a tweak or two…

Turn of the television and pick up a book.

Get to know your neighbors as well as you know the Kardashians.

Stop looking for the ‘big bang’ and realize the ‘big bang’ occurs during those simple times.

Listen more, talk less.

Express yourself through your words and deeds, and not with body art and unflattering clothes.

Go outside and sit quietly for a few minutes each day.

Love and accept others no matter their ethnicity, culture, religion, sexual orientation, or political leanings.

Help a creature in need.

Living fully, correctly, and enjoyably doesn’t have to be difficult.  It’s all about taking ‘pride in ownership’ when it comes to our lives.  It’s about keeping ourselves positively productive.  It’s about surrounding ourselves with uplifting and entertaining individuals – even those who may live differently than you.  (Side note:  tolerance and acceptance are big in my book, and I’m blessed with many friends from many walks of life.  Try it, you may just like it!)

If you found today’s musing a bit harsh, that’s okay.  You may, in fact, be fed up with my oh-so-elegant rants, and that’s fine, too.  Go forth in peace and stay ‘chill-axed’.  I’ll be in the corner with a few like-minded souls who take pleasure in the little things and can communicate at-or-above a seventh grade level.

And I won’t even mind if they’re smoking while doing so.

Beth Newman

Newman Image

www.newmanimage.info

Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

Nothing on My Mind

Once upon I time, I used writing as therapy.  I’ve kept journals since I was about 12-years-old, and always found that getting the thoughts in my head down on paper helped me sort out things about myself and the world around me.

So does the fact that I’ve got nothing to write about today mean I’ve no thoughts in my head?  No.  I woke up wondering why my dryer doesn’t dry effectively.  I then mused at great length over coffee about Madonna and why she won’t go away, and wondered who told her that donning a cheerleading costume on stage was a good idea.  She certainly falls into the ‘just because you can, doesn’t mean you should category’ doesn’t she?   After coffee I thought about the errands I had to run today and wondered if I should take my 22-year-old cat in for a face lift. Welcome to the brain of Beth Newman, boys and girls!

 Since writing was, once-upon-a-time, cathartic, does this apparent writer’s block mean I’ve solved all my problems and those of the world? No.  We still have good people wearing bad clothes, and those quick to blame others when things don’t go their way.  We have people who’ve no idea how they’re perceived by others, and we’ve people who do dumb things on a regular basis.

It dawns on me that I’ve used writing to ease my frustrations:  why don’t people want to look their best, always?  Why don’t they want to take ownership of their lives?  Why don’t they want to rise above and act a bit classier than their neighbors?  I still ask these questions, but I’m much less frustrated than I used to be about them.  My powers are limited, after all, and the world would certainly be a boring place if we were all nice, neat little packages. 

Perhaps it means that I’m content – finally – to just ‘be’, and to let others ‘just be’.  I’m not closing up shop, because business has been quite good lately – maybe that has something to do with my lack of motivation to write.  I’m blessed and busy helping others in person rather than trying to change them through my little musings.

So what’s on my mind right now?  Gratitude, for starters, for too many things to list here.   I’m also thinking about what to have for lunch.  And I just can’t get that picture of Madonna in a cheerleading costume out of my head….

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

Check out my new radio show, The Fabulosity Factor with Beth Newman, at www.blogtalkradio.com/bethnewman each Wednesday at 10AM CST.

Mean Women

We hear so much these days about the Mean Girl Epidemic spreading throughout our middle and high schools.  I even hear stories of it occurring in elementary schools.  It’s bad, for sure, and takes an awful lot of diligence on the part of adults to keep it at bay.  We encourage our girls to do the right thing and to live by a strong moral code.  What happens, though, when the Mean Girls turn out to be adult women?  We don’t hear too much about it, but I can assure you that it’s alive and well within our society.

Growing up, yours truly was the target of some Mean Girl (and Mean Boy, for that matter) behavior.  Socially awkward and painfully shy, I was an easy target, I suppose.  It took years for me to come to terms with that cruelty, but come to terms I did, and it’s made me the woman I am today. I’m not sharing this with you to conjure up any sympathy, but to prove a point:  we can all overcome it.   I’ve built my life’s work around it, in fact:  I don’t want any little girl to endure what I endured.  I want every little girl to know she’s special, she’s competent, and that she matters.  I want to provide her with tools for ignoring the Mean Girls, tools she may very well need when encountering any Mean Women in her future.

Because I’d already ‘been there, done that’ with regard to the Mean Girls, I confess I took very little notice of it occurring amongst alleged-grown-ups. I guess at one point I was downright naïve to its very existence.   I’m aware of it now, and have come to following conclusions:

Mean Women Operate Out of Fear –Disrespect and ugliness towards others stems from a fear of not being accepted ourselves.   We channel this fear into the very thing we don’t want:  to be forgotten, or to be seen as ‘less-than’.  We fear it happening to us, so we’ll beat it to the punch by inflicting it on someone else.  How sad…

Mean Women Operate Out of Self-Loathing – I challenge anyone to find a Mean Girl or Mean Woman who truly likes herself.  Without self-love, there is no love.  It all starts from within. Plain and simple.

Mean Women Operate Out of Immaturity – Perhaps they weren’t indulged or encouraged enough as children.  Perhaps they were overly-indulged or overly-encouraged as children.  Who knows?  But something happened along the way to keep these women from growing up and contributing positively to society. 

Mean Women Operate Out of Jealousy – Strong women, beautiful women, happy women, and successful women are often targeted by Mean Women.  Instead of celebrating these women, they go to great lengths to tear them down.  They exclude.  They gossip.  They lie.  These are the things that get a Mean Girl into trouble at school.  Unfortunately, you can’t send a Mean Woman to the principal’s office.

I could go on, but I’d like to move along to another topic, one that I’ve written about many times:  living by example.  We cannot expect our daughters, nieces, or students to be nice girls if we’re not living nicely ourselves.  The old cliché of the apple not falling far from the tree is true, I believe.  We must take a good, hard look at ourselves and our motives, for they greatly affect our children.  If we want our future generation to live in a society of love, kindness, compassion and respect, we must put those concepts into practice – always.

I personally know a few Mean Women – women who are mothers, teachers, and leaders in my community.  I implore anyone remotely responsible for the well-being and guidance of children, particularly girls, to think and live on a higher level.  Get over what you need to get over and start playing nicely.  Come from a place of compassion and integrity – this will serve you well.

And for anyone who’s ever suffered at the hands of a Mean Girl or Mean Woman, take heart:  set your sights on fabulosity and you’ll do just fine.  It’s easy to ignore their comments when you know you’re doing the right thing.  Surround yourself with decent, positive people who have the greater good in mind.  Strive for excellence in all that you do.  Find inspiration wherever you can get it.  They say that living well is the best revenge.  Based on my own experiences, I know this to be true.

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

Beth’s books, Become a First Style Fashionista and 365 Days of Fabulosity, are available through Amazon.

You, Your Image, and Everyone Else

Have you ever wondered why our society has become so lax?  Why is it perfectly acceptable these days to run around in tracksuits, peppering our language with slang and offensive terminology, basking in our lack of elegance and refinement while offering our middle finger to anyone who doesn’t like our loud-and-proud attitude?  Like or leave it, someone once told me.

I don’t like it, and I just can’t leave it.

For you see, my friend, we’ve got a full-force ripple effect happening.  Our croc-wearing, tattoo-bearing, attempts-at-daring affect others.  Kids today are unfamiliar with the term ‘dressing for the occasion’ because they’ve never witnessed it.  Recent college grads who grew up with a grand sense of entitlement don’t understand why their multi-piercings are keeping them from landing a job.  Women of ‘a certain age’ don’t understand why their bawdiness has yet to attract the perfect partner.  “I mean, it worked for the gals in Sex In The City, why isn’t it working for me?”  they ask.

Like it or not, we are judged by how we communicate, and we communicate through many different avenues each day:  the words we speak, the clothes we wear, our manners, our mannerisms – I could go on.  It’s the Total Package Effect and I speak to so many women about it:  you can look great, but if you don’t speak greatly or act greatly, others will not perceive you as great.

So my question today is this:  what, exactly, are you trying to communicate?  If you desire attracting certain people or situations into your life and you’ve yet to manifest them, you’re image could be holding you back.

I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times.

One’s image plays a significant role in her overall success, both professionally and personally. 

I think a key element that leads to an ‘image downfall’ is the acceptance of the status quo.  No one else dresses up for church, so why should I? Everybody enjoys fast-food on a regular basis, so why shouldn’t I?   Everyone else watches garbage on Television, so why shouldn’t I (side note:  garbage in, garbage out.  I learned that a long time ago, and it’s very true.  Think about it.) 

Because it leads to stasis, and a lifestyle in stasis is a lifestyle in crises.

We should all strive each day not only to look our best, but to speak our best and BE our best.  We’ve got to get over this weird ‘let’s just be comfortable and let it all hang out’ mentality and take ownership of our lives and our image.  We must recognize that our choices affect others – and not necessarily in a good way.

We’ve got to get over our laziness and stop accepting things that simply shouldn’t be acceptable.  If not, I shudder to think of the fruit the upcoming generation will bear.  They’re looking to us and following our lead, so if we want better for them, we must be better ourselves.

Be the change you want to see in the world – Gandhi

What is it you’d like to see?

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

ps...I've got a new e-course starting next week.  It's called Your Image and You:  Who Do You Think You Are?  For details go to http://newmanimage.info/In_The_News_.html

The Type of Person Who....

I tend to be a bit wary of people compelled to begin sentences with “I’m the type of person who…”, for it’s been my experience that they’re usually way off the mark when describing themselves.  I also find it a bit strange because they seem to be opening up a dialogue in which they’re the star attraction.  As we all learned in our high school speech classes, communication is a two-way street.  As we learn from self-improvement gurus, it’s better to listen rather than to speak.  So I find it baffling that even though we’ve been taught not ramble on about ourselves, so many of us spend a great amount of time doing it.

And doing it poorly.

Madonna encouraged us years ago to ‘express ourselves,’ and following her lead, we did it.  Madonna is a self-promoting genius; we commoners – not so much.

In an age in which our personal revelations can be, well, revealed, by the click of a button, many people assume that the general public gives a hoot-and-a-half about what sort of person we are.  We’re much too busy talking the talk and not walking the walk. 

I expect the spiritually in-tune woman who starts her day with some sort of uplifting New Age-y thought to remain there, and not tell me through her late night tweets how drunk she is.

I expect the man who proclaims to love and support women to actually love and support women, and not belittle and yell at them in the office.

I expect people who turn their bodies into walking billboards to come from some sort of hard-core place, not the PTA meeting.

It’s attention these folks are after, but what they don’t realize is that they’re getting it for the wrong reasons:  many of us are bemused, really, by your seemingly duplicitous lifestyle.  You say you’re this, but you turn out to be that. 

We know who you are, not what you are, because of your actions.  Maybe you want to be the person you’re describing, but you’re not, darling.

Self-expression is important, don’t get me wrong.  There exists, however, more sophisticated and elegant ways of doing it.  Living what you’re expounding – that’s a start.  Getting to truly know who you really are – always a crowd-pleaser. Experiencing real interactions with real people rather than by electronic means – why not give it a try? Focusing on others rather than yourself – bingo! Reaching out in love and compassion in order to help others – right on!

At the end of the day, we’re remembered for what we did, rather than for what we said.

Beth Newman

Image Consultant, Mentor, Author

www.newmanimage.info

Look, feel, and LIVE your absolute best!

A Lasting Legacy

Sadly, I bid a final good-by to an associate of mine the other day. I’d only known her a short while, but I liked her very much. I worried about her. I learned a great deal from her. In the end, however, I was astounded by her.

You see, my associate kept her business just that – her business, so you can imagine my surprise when I discovered certain things about her during her memorial service. Things like her philanthropy (award-winning philanthropy, I might add). Things like her adventuresome, beach-loving nature (I had no idea we had the sand and sea in common), her vigilant commitment to style and fashion (she never told me she met Tim Gunn, but lo and behold, there she was, photographed with him following some sort of fashion event).

Discovering these aspects about her made me realize how exceptional she really was. Showered with wondrous opportunities and accolades, she handled all of it gracefully, with dignity, and quietly.

I'm afraid we don’t see too much grace, dignity, and silence these days, do we? In this age of social media, everybody’s a celebrity. Constant status-updaters and tweeters, revealing the minutia of their daily lives, have carried the ‘Look At Me’ mentality into their personal encounters. We’ve a lot of people talking (about nothing, really), and too few listening.

Had my associate talked a little more, we probably would have become great friends, for we shared many of the same interests and possessed similar demeanors. Had she only spoken up, those of us who knew her would have understood just how ill she was in her final months. She never complained, though, and we all hoped and prayed that she’d get better. She didn’t.

 I suppose that’s why I can’t suffer foolishness right now. I prefer my communication with others to be short, sweet, informative, helpful, enlightening and entertaining. I go absolutely mad hearing complaints about mild tummy aches, sinus pressure, and paper cuts. My associate spent the last few weeks of her life incredibly frail and, at age 51, needing the assistance of a walker just to get to the powder room. You’ll get by with that wart on your thumb, trust me.

I don’t mean to come across as uncaring in the previous paragraph, but my associate’s death really made me realize how silly we all can be. We take things for granted, and get too wrapped up in ourselves to do what we’re really here to do: to love one another, and to leave this world better than we found it.

 Following her memorial service, I vowed to do more to make my community a better place. I’ve recommitted myself to keeping apprised on the latest in fashion, education, and writing because that’s how I make my living and resting on my laurels certainly won’t get me any further than I currently am, professionally speaking. I’ve also promised myself to have more fun, remove myself from social-media marathons, and to really go out make the most of each day. I shall love more, listen more, and laugh more.

And I shall never forget this amazing woman, her legacy, and the impact her life story had on me. Thank you,dear heart,and may you rest in peace.